Before Night Awakens
by Sickle Sword
Summary: [FINISHED!]It should have been me who had told him the truth, even though I have lived in a lie. I should have held him close to my arms and my heart and even when he chose to go away, I should have followed. It should have been me who died Not him.
1. Nascence

BEFORE NIGTH AWAKENS  
By Sickle Sword  
--o0o--

Disclaimer: I do not, under any circumstances, own Charmed, nor would you want me too. All of them belong to higher powers that will sue me if I said otherwise, so let's be reasonable for a minute and don't try to say they're mine, even though I would appreciate the gesture, because then I'll have gods on my tail. Got that?  
  
A/N: This is the first chapter about Chris's life, and although I mostly ignored the events in the show, they are there somehow. Keep that in mind. All reviews will be welcomed, critic also, just don't burn me alive. I just healed from sunburn.  
  
**_It should have been me who had told him the truth, even when I didn't know what the meaning of the truth is, for I have lived in a lie. I should have held him close to my arms and closer to my heart and even when he chose to go away, I should have followed. It should have been me who died. Not him._**

** Chapter 1: Nascence**

What do you do when the gap between reality and fiction is being erased and one day you simply wake up to discover that everything you've believed in wasn't more than a lie?  
  
You've believed that you were someone- not too important or irreplaceable, but someone that mattered in the small circle of your relatives, only to lose that false assumption. And to realize the truth. You were never really you. Your mother is not the woman you thought she was, your bigger brother is a world saviors, your baby brother is the second most powerful being on the planet, and you. . . you were never special. At first it's alright. The death of you parents is making it really hard for you to concentrate on anything but their absence. In time, however, your mistakes slap your face harshly when the father you thought died appears, because he is no less that a frigging Angel. And your brothers, the ones who were always so secretive with you, so formal and informal so many times, conquer their righteous throne.  
  
You stay alone in the midst of everything, pray that even though yesterday had happened, it really was only a dream. You would even settle for having a one-time episode, hallucination of a kind that your lonely mind created, wanting to punish you because you stopped eating days ago. So you keep clinging to the fact that none of it is real and continue building castles of sand while everything else crumbles. But you can't keep lying to yourself anymore, so you go to the people you hold dear the most- your brothers, only to hear them laugh to your face. You are not needed. You are powerless. You don't matter. You never did.  
  
At the nights you cry so at the days you will be strong for you friends' sake, because somehow, you've never really bothered to inquire how, they know that those who have now the power upon life and death, are related to you. So even though you have no power, you promise you'll protect them. You swear to that the void, because everyone else will not want to hear. You will do something. You won't just sit and let them being slaughtered like you did with your family.  
  
And somehow in the next morning you find that you can orb, and you bless every high and small force that exist in the universe, don't really care that your power is like a lamp- providing light, but other than that- useless. But it gives you hope to fight.  
  
So you fight.  
  
You fight those you considered friends and allies, you face more death in one year that some see in a lifetime, and every time you hear the inhuman voices of those you know were born with hearts, like you, this is too hard not to remember. Each and every time you hold back the memories, you don't need them. Going sentimental all of a sudden can't save you, and definitely not the world. So you store all those memories in the blackest part of your brain, sealing it so you'll never have to face them again.  
  
Not that it helps. The memories are tricky, and every once in a while when you least expect it, you hear giggles coming from an empty swing and the woman with her friends who are walking down the street behind you are changed to be you mother gossiping with your aunts in the same way they liked to do so much, and something in you just knows that this is what they are doing now, simply not here. Simply in another plane of existence, when ghosts and hallucinations are together.  
  
And one day, when you can't hold everything inside you anymore- the tears, the memories, the guilt and the hate, you unleash your anger upon your unsuspecting friends and see them screaming in agony while you can't stop yourself doing it, because you have no idea how you started it in the first place.  
  
And they are gone. Just like mom.  
  
The next days are becoming like a blur when you discover yon have so much to offer the world, only to stand on your feet and realize this is not enough. Despite all the changes you have been through in the two years that now seem like eternity, you know that you are not ready yet to face your brothers. Maybe you never will.  
  
Nevertheless, you start preparing when you feel a strong stab of pain that sending you kneeling on your feet, blind. Then you get up and know. You baby brother had just died.  
  
It is just the two of you now- the one who holds all the powers in his hands, and you who still needs to know how to move things by your unwilling hands, not to mention by your mind. So you practice and fight tiredness and hunger and dread and loss of hope, you fight every single thing that connects you to this world as a human being. And you lose. You cannot fight yourself. You are too weak.  
  
You were always the weakest brother, weakest witch. But you try anyhow, and you fight your own brother. You see him becoming pensive, something compassionate rising on his face as he asks you not to do it. But you think you know better than anyone else. You ignore his pleas.  
  
In a matter of seconds you fall, breathing heavily in defeat as his pitying gaze lighting anger within you that you've never thought a human being can feel and survive. The view that surrounds you, however, shows you have survived. And you look at your brother, the one you would give your life to take his, and you know that something has changed in you.  
  
You are on his side. 

--o0o--

* * *


	2. Rainbow In A Rainless Day

BEFORE NIGTH AWAKENS  
By Sickle Sword  
--o0o--

Disclaimer: I don't own the ladies, Chris, the demons (who want to own them?) yada yada yada, I just took them for a small ride. Therefore, I would really appreciate if nobody sued, although they can try. I doubt if they got much money out of it, though...  
  
A/N: Warm THANKS to _**denna5**_ who liked it and **_AK8_** whose review got into my heart when I thought nobody bother readying it anymore. This chapter was born just because of you guys! And now to really small chapter! (Sorry! grovelingbut I promise next chapter will be longer)  
**I've gotta say a huge thanks to** _slain_ **who pointed out my REALLY moronic mistake. God, how I could be so stupid? I apologize with all my heart to those who maybe took offence from my lack of brain that mixed up the Greek mythology. SORRY!   
**  
_**It should have been me who had told him the truth, even when I didn't know what the meaning of the truth is, for I have lived in a lie. I should have held him close to my arms and closer to my heart and even when he chose to go away, I should have followed. It should have been me who died. Not him.**_

** Chapter 2: A Rainbow in a Rainless Day  
**  
After awhile you don't know what you feel anymore. You hate him more than you hated everyone else your entire life, including yourself. And you love him. You love him more than any other human being, not because he is your brother, although it's an obvious factor, but because he was there when you needed him. And you are not there for him now. You are near him in your body, but your soul is floating, searching desperately for a way out from the cage you have chosen.  
  
You guess you should have known better all along.  
  
You have followed a way just because giving up was easier then declaring your failure, and being among family after all time you were alone, it comforts you. But eventually the old you struggles to reemerge from the bottom pit of your soul. You fight to ignore it. And just like earlier you couldn't fight yourself, this time you mostly succeed. So you take it as a sign. Maybe this is where you were supposed to be all along. At your brother's side. It feels natural, and as you wake up with the knife held tightly beneath your arm, you accept it. You forget that there were times you went to sleep with a pillow held in your arms, not a means for killing. You forget that in another lifetime, you could only sleep when your brother was around because that was the only way you've felt safe, and now you only feel safe away from him. You forget the times you swore to protect him. You forget the times you swore to kill him. You forget everything because this is easier. You forget yourself.  
  
And it's ok, and it's fine and alright and . . . . it's not. It hurts. Badly. This is not the way things were supposed to be. And every time you hear that another witch, man, innocent had perished, you demand your hearing to go away. You don't want, don't need, to hear it. You can't face it that the all those you have worshipped your entire life- are gone. Your parents vanished, your younger brother is gone with them, and so is your old one. He is not anymore the one who soothed you to go sleeping, staying with you nights and days, promising that the nightmares wouldn't come to life, only to be proven lying, when they did. And your worst nightmare- that your brother is a monster- is proven right as well. And you can't help but to wonder at lonely times, if these earlier dreams weren't premonitions the universe sent you as a warning for darker times. And you chose to ignore them.  
  
This is all your fault. You deserve what you've got.   
  
And as you see the evil every day you struggle not to cry. Because crying is a weakness, and although the logical part of your brain already knows you are weak, your heart will never be ready to agree.  
  
Then the world grant you a miracle, and one day, sitting like always in the only place that consist light and which is ironically near him, you hear someone knock at the door. In a world that no one bothers anymore to acknowledge you as a human being that needs privacy, apparently angels were left.  
  
At the door stands the most beautiful woman you had ever seen, and you forget how to talk, walk or breathe, only remember how to smile. And she comes closer and tells you her name.  
  
Bianca.  
  
And you don't want to cry anymore. And you don't want to have to compromise at the stolen shreds of light from your room. You want to live. You want to love.  
HER.  
  
And although there is always a little bird whispering in your ear that it's dangerous to love her, you can't afford not to. You don't want to return to that semi- human place you've been before, when you just knew that it really doesn't matter how much you try. You've believed that no one gives a damn about you, or your lack of existence in this time and place. All that is important is the outcome, how you play with the cards you've been dealt.  
  
You don't want to believe in these lies anymore.  
  
A great man once spoke to your ear in thunder days that when life hands you lemons, you don't check the horse's teeth but check it didn't come from Greece. As a child, you're not sure you've understood what it meant. You're not sure you do now. But you have to admit, even to yourself, it kindda sounds like your life- fate never gave you free presents before and since it has obviously come from Up There, you should be careful.  
  
Only, you've had enough to be careful. You want to sink. 

--o0o--

* * *


	3. My Angel

BEFORE NIGTH AWAKENS  
By Sickle Sword  
--o0o--

Disclaimer: Oh, boy. Now I have to write the disclaimer AGAIN! Can't you just, dunno, see the previous chapters and see that I don't own them???  
  
A/N: Thank you people! I mean it! 

**Nemesis' Arrow**- Thank you- see, when I get reviews, my fingers feel better and write (wink).

**AK8** - Oh, wow, Sweet! No one ever told me before about anything that I wrote SWEET! Thank you so much. . didn't think I had it in me to write romance. . . 

**denna5**- (Smiles warmly and chokes with embarrassment) thanx... 

**Queen Isa**- Regret to say but no, it's not C&B fic, though I considered it for while but then my muse interfered and invented a plot that hardly consist her so. . . however, this chapter was written especially for you!

**Tami-** Thank you so much! Here I'm updating! see, I'm quite obedient...  
  
_**It should have been me who had told him the truth, even when I didn't know what the meaning of the truth is, for I have lived in a lie. I should have held him close to my arms and closer to my heart and even when he chose to go away, I should have followed. It should have been me who died. Not him.**_

**__**

**Chapter 3: Angel  
**  
You wake up every day to see the eyes of an angel glaring at you in your inner eye and for the first time in your life, you wake up with a smile. While the world scatters around like the old puzzles you were never able to complete, you ignore everything, none of it matters. Only to meet her every day, see her smiling like in the day you first met her.  
  
At the beginning she ignored you. That was the best time of your life, hiding in the shadows, engraving every movement of her angelic face in your mind, intercepting her figure. You learnt so much about her already. When she's sad she never shows it, only the tip of her brow is twitching in sorrow, lamenting for the dead she was ordered to kill. And even though you know her part in the massacre, you don't hate her. You can't.  
  
And then slowly, like water dripping from a stone, coming the bridging words. You ask her small things, kind words that you are hoping unfolding within their simplicity your heart.  
  
"Would you like an apple?" you ask her and see her smiles, taking the fruit from you, and with it- your heart. You belong to her, and when her teeth are touching the delicate flesh of the fruit, you see in her eyes the willingness. She is yours as well.  
  
You are hiding, though. Always hiding. This is dangerous being found near assassin when you are your brother's relative. You have envisioned his anger many times when you defied his words while gathering the strength you didn't have in the first place, and you don't want to see it coming on you again. For it fears you, and this time, you are not scared from your destiny, but from hers.  
  
But it's also rewarding, in a way you never thought possible. The hole that was always in your heart and that you never knew existed, is now filled. Overflowed, even. With love. You have purpose now for living- seeing her face and touching her fingers with burning desire, this is all that matters. Hearing her ringing voice in your ears, brushing near you like rain in the desert, welcomed, needed and being swallowed with passion.  
  
When you are alone, finally together, away from the world, this is your time. Then she tells you about herself, about the past she can't even face in her nightmares, but she says it's easier now, when you are near. And about the future she couldn't see before, and neither could you, but now the pieces are matching together. You know you have what to expect to, you know why you have survived after all.  
  
"I will never forget his face" she is crying at your ear when she tells you about the first witch she was forced to kill. And even if for a split of a second your mind begs you not to be so naïve, that she is a killer, she maybe even killed you mother, you ignore it. For the past doesn't matter anymore, only the future, and your future is with her, and now she is hurt. Not because she is a killer, but because she's human, because even in the stone heart of hers, there are emotions left. And that's exactly why you love her so much. Yes, you love her. More than you thought possible. And for the first time in ages, you know it's alright.  
  
"So don't forget. Make it be your present to him, that he will be remembered" you give her the same advice you have given yourself, hoping that the mutual shadows will go away finally when they see they are not needed anymore, this is new era.  
  
"He was so alone, so afraid. He hid under the bed" she smiles sadly, tears running freely down her cheeks and you want so much to wipe them, but you resist because you know that affection will not be welcomed now. She is too angry now, about herself. "He thought it makes any difference where he was. Like if he hid, the monster will not come out from the closet. But that exactly where I was- in the closet, and I came out and took him nevertheless. And his brother, father, sister, grandmother . . . they were all gone. By me. I killed them, Chris, I killed them!"  
  
"But that's not who you are anymore, you are a new person. You don't kill innocents anymore"  
  
"Is that what you think of me?" she asks, new fear in her eyes "I kill, Christopher. Every time your brother wants me to. I'm ASSASSIN, that's what I do."  
  
"Not because you want to" you try to comfort her and lose the battle to the reasonable part of your brain and hug her. The comfort your body offers leads to her devastation as she falls to your arms, hysterical, mumbling over and over "but I do, I do!" .Until there is silence, and after that the tears are gone and you dare to hope that one skeleton from her closet was finally set free.

()

The next night you find her on your door, flushed and embarrassed in her nightwear, like the rebuked child you guess she is.  
  
"Can I come in?" she asks and you don't know if to smile or cry.  
  
"Of course, what's wrong?"  
  
"I couldn't sleep. Nightmare" she says and comes near, sounds so small and fragile. So close you can see tiny freckles on her nose, and you smile fondly. You love her, you really do.  
  
"Come in" you offer and when you see the panicked expression on her face you soothe her trembling lip "I'm not going to hurt you". You find it ironic that you will need to say that to her, but, is it really? Isn't everything is just an act, to enable her to survive?  
  
In that night you don't sleep a lot. You learn about her demons. You learn that her mother was a Phoenix, too, and that she was never prepared her to life. That she thought that something was wrong with her because she felt so bad while killing, while others weren't. And while she talks, you look at the most beautiful woman in the world, and question why fate has been so cruel to her and made her who she is. If she has been born in another time and place, her life would have been better. But then again, so were yours. So were you.  
  
She tells you about her brother. You didn't know she had one, and she only shrugs. It's only natural to her that nobody would know about that, for it is personal, and privacy has to be maintained. She tells you that he left when they were young and that she had never seen him ever since, but she learnt that he died in another worthless battle for someone he didn't give a damn about. Just like she was going to be killed one day, if she's not careful. And even if she is. You kiss her, asking her not to speak abut it, but even when saying it you feel your hypocrisy as you also know that this is what going to happen to her. Whether you like it or not.  
  
She tells you about her father, the mortal who left her mother after she was conceived, and whom she hates. She tells you about the fireflies she wanted to become when she was young and the wings she could not get when she learnt she's a demon, and demons can't fly. She tells you about the flood that took her mother becuase mortal forces couldn't and when dawn arouses and her figure relaxes in her sleep, you know she is going to be alright.

.

It is the last day you see her before she goes to a week of hunting, finding herself new demons to shadow her new founded peace.

* * *

--o0o--

* * *


	4. The Shadow Lifter

BEFORE NIGTH AWAKENS  
By Sickle Sword  
--o0o--

Disclaimer: What a surprise, I don't own anything! Do you really have to add salt to the pain?  
  
A/N: First of all, I guess I should notify you that this part contradicts the show. You'll see what I'm talking about when reading it. So if you don't like bad things happening, don't read it! 

And now, for the happier things- the thanks! I LOVE it when people take their time and review! Please do it more often and make me happy on your way out?? A big virtual Thank-You card to _**Aine**_ you reviewed me 3 times (!!) I kneel to your generosity. _**denna5**_ - I liked that part myself, too. 

Damn, I suck at these.. . . just read the bloody thing!  
  
_**It should have been me who had told him the truth, even when I didn't know what the meaning of the truth is, for I have lived in a lie. I should have held him close to my arms and closer to my heart and even when he chose to go away, I should have followed. It should have been me who died. Not him.  
**_

* * *

**Chapter 4: The Shadows Lifter  
**

It's a picture. A fucking picture. Why are you so afraid from it?  
  
You don't have a clue.  
  
You know there's nothing to fear from, but nevertheless, you are petrified. And when you see the written history engraved in a casual way in the most non-casual place it can get, you know what you've feared from.  
  
It.  
  
You feel your hand shaking with uncontrolled anger. Or grief. Your whole world had just taken a twisted from bad- to worse. Even in your worst nightmares you've never thought the reality will be like that. Some time ago, you have wished to understand your mission in life. But even once you've never dreaded that it will be such. That your whole purpose will be shattered. That you will be forced to give up on your dreams.  
  
In them, the dreams, the world is perfect. And so are you, in your fantasies. You are powerful and don't have to hide from your enemies, you are stronger than them. Like your brother.  
  
But you are not him. Ad while it has taken you nearly a lifetime to come to that nearly obvious fact, at least you've reached it. Not that now you accept yourself, no, it's not even that. It's only that. . . you hate yourself less, somehow. Because if all that had happened was written years ago, before you were born, then maybe the constant pain you are always treasuring inside you, letting it tear you piece by piece, can be gone some day. Perhaps there wasn't a damn thing you could have done after all. Maybe it wasn't even your fault that your family is the way it is. Broken.  
  
But the truth is those things aren't so simple about your family. And your brothers. And with them, well, you have a real inferiority complex. You've always had. And really, how could you not?? They are mighty and powerful and as the world dances to their will, all they need to do is- nothing. You, on the other hand, were never able to do any of the so called great things that they could. Call life being fair.  
  
Some people were called mortals because they couldn't see the bigger picture. Others were called so by mistake. Wyatt was among the immortals who happened to be mistaken as regular human beings. He has fought the angel of death and won. But you can't do it. And you know it. It is not a matter of strength. Or willingness. You have fought death as well, but you've lost. Wyatt hadn't. While you struggled, he had made a deal with it, to let you live. Ironic. He couldn't save your parents, no matter how strong he fought. But he was able to save you. You, whose only purpose in life is to save him. Or destroy him while trying.  
  
Between your two brothers, it was Adam that you were always more comfortable with. But it was Wyatt that you loved more. You don't know how it can be, only that this was how it really was. Wyatt always made you feel so small, he was always too perfect. Perfection is a very easy to worship, but hard to live by. How can anyone tell his wrongs to someone who had never done any? It was only later that you realized that Wyatt was capable of doing wrongs as well.  
  
And Adam, well, he was Adam. Less egocentric than Wyatt, maybe, but still his unique pusher self. He pushed you many times. To do things you never wanted to do to other people, to yourself, and to him. And at the end, he pushed you away from him. That was how he died You still feel sorry for him. After all, he WAS your brother. Even after all you've been through with him, and even while he denied the relationship between the two of you to be nothing more than being brought coincidently from the same gene pull, you care about him. Well, cared. While he was still alive.

He was always the less fortunate between the three of you, frankly. He was born blind while the rest of the world could see. He hated that. In time, he took it as a sign for his inner demons. That this was the way things were meant to be. That was the only thing in which he was similar to you. Because honestly speaking, he was always an obvious contrast to you. He was powerful and had powers from birth. You never had them, even while grown up. He could shield, you can expose. He had the power to shimmer, disappear without a trace. Even that you can't do, the lights of orbing, the light that was never inside you, can easily uncover you. Yet he is dead, you stayed alive despite of your best efforts.  
  
But now, maybe you will have a second chance in life. To save him. Just like you are going to save Wyatt. You know you are going to do it. You're afraid, maybe, but you know there isn't any other choice but to do it.  
  
And you know that if the situation was reversed, he would have done the same thing. You don't guess. You know. Period.  
  
You walk outside, determined to do that. You are going back to the past. To save him. You arrange everything in haste, it doesn't have to be perfect. Only to happen. You will think about the consequences later. Or before. Or. . . Whatever can be said about time travel, it has one major minus- it does a lot of bad things to your tenses.  
  
But then, walking toward the glowing end, you see something that stops you instantly.  
  
You should have known.  
  
You should have known by now that some were born lucky while others are constantly being chased by bad guardian angels. You belong to the latter group, and what's worse- it invades those who are beside you.  
  
Like Bianca.  
  
You should have known not to be so close to her, that she would get hurt.  
  
But you didn't listen. You never listen.  
  
She died.  
  
You can't even mourn her properly. There isn't a body to mourn. Only a memory. Wyatt took care of that.  
  
And now, there isn't a reason to think that things would be better again any more than that the winter will cease to be only because you wish it to. So many times your wishes weren't granted but laughed out by the universe's twisted sense of humor by the same constant joke you could never fully understand. And you would have thought that after all this time something had changed, that you have learnt something, only be proven wrong over and over again until there is nearly no breath left in you. Every time it happens, something in you quaked, sending hot lines of feverish desire for your world to be a better place. But desires are not nearly enough. Nobody has yet survived with only wishes as armor, perhaps only leprechauns. But then again, in your time they are already extinct.  
  
So you kiss your hopes goodbye and hope than they won't come back someday to bite you in the ass, and hope you will never hope again.

Even that much you fail to do. The next week, devastated and on the edge of losing everything, hope renews.  
  
Life.  
  
You are going to do it.

* * *

--o0o--

* * *


	5. Starting From Scratch

BEFORE NIGTH AWAKENS  
By Sickle Sword  
--o0o--

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, only their insights since the real producers didn't bother doing so.  
  
A/N: Well, I've had a bit of time in my hands so what else can I do in my spare time but to post another chapter? Oh my, if only things were THAT simple. Anyway, enough of that. Though I experienced a bit of drought in the reviews section (a big thank you _**denna5**_!! I thought nobody liked me anymore until you came along! pouting) , I started to think of actual plot, which I guess is good, and most of the things you probably didn't understand until now and will not understand later, will be explained in one point or another. Unless I wasn't aware of the fact that it was not understood and therefore, obviously, hadn't explained it.  
  
IMPORTANT NOTICE: I'm currently searching for a beta, so if you think you are up to it- please mail me!

And now, to quote a great ending to A/N, courtesy of the last chapter: just read the bloody thing!!!!!  
  
**_It should have been me who had told him the truth, even when I didn't know what the meaning of the truth is, for I have lived in a lie. I should have held him close to my arms and closer to my heart and even when he chose to go away, I should have followed. It should have been me who died. Not him._**

** Chapter 5: Starting From Scratch**

You are you. 

Yet no one knows that. No one really cares. The only one who knows, prefers to forget that, and you can't blame him. The secret of your identity is a deadly one, for it brings out skeletons that are better stay buried forever inside the dimmest pits of hell. The essence of your existence is the key for many truths while it brings no truth to light. Everyone forgot what light is, what was once called truth, so you are here faultily. Without a real reason left.  
  
Besides one- to save Wyatt. And for that reason, you will agree to lose everyone, the same family that you have lost already. Not agree. . .agreeing is a too strong word here. But if the need arose, you will be willing to pay in their lives in exchanged to his. You will even sacrifice your soul.  
  
But it's easier said than done, and even when you know you have to do it, it still hurts. You thought it would get better. But things aren't THAT easy. Not in your case, anyway. You heart refuses to work by the plan.  
  
After the first hour with your family, things get harder. After the first day- nearly unbearable. Every time you hear their voices, something in you is breaking.  
You wish to hold them in your arm, to see that they are really alive. Only you can't.  
  
At the first morning, still disorientated and your mind really not in its place, you were shocked to their sight. You stepped slowly to your mother and touched her arm, refusing to let go. So near you could feel her Jasmine perfume, the odor you wished for so long. But then she closed her eyes in suspect, her arm being torn away from your longing fingers in suspicion- mistrust- fear. It was like having washed by a bucked of freezing water which, ironically by the way, in their way purified every oily, pathetic and needy part from your aching body. You are not in your time anymore- you remind yourself and wear uncaring expression even when it kills you inside, and you orb to find another demon to vanquish, hoping the demons in your heart will be gone with its smoke as well.  
  
They think you are obsessed, paranoid and neurotic. You think they are careless, over compassionate and too stubborn for their own good. Yet you don't want them to change. You understand, even. It's not their fault. Or yours for that matter. You have lived in different times, and a person is always influenced by his environment and era. You ripped your heart for your own survival, so having second thoughts or compassion is useless. They have lived in the kingdom of trust. So they trust everyone, everyone but you, who needs their trust the most.  
  
At lonely nights you don't let yourself feel pity yourself even when you know it will be so much easier than to fight. Happy Thoughts, your hardly fueled mind command, and you, who were left without real strength or desire to fight, listen.  
  
You remember the apple trees from your childhood, the ones you could always trust because they grew up with you, and with every inch you gained, they grew taller by two. You don't let the reality a door to sneak in and to claim the cold fact that they were ripped from you, chopped in the most agonizing way. Deep down you know that even though they will not give you fruit anymore, in a way they will. Apples will always be your favorite fruit.  
  
You remember the day you all went a picnic, even Leo was there, and your aunts. You were happy. You can't tell where you went to, you never could remember that, but that's irrelevant. The only thing that is- is the fact you were together, happy, family. You were united against any injustice or evil that may come. Demons never attacked that day, and even while not knowing about magic and demons, you were grateful that none of the usual excuses were told. You were plainly happy.  
  
But then there is a big sea of nothing. You could never remember what was in that time that feared you so much that you chose to repress it. You also could never ask someone. When you finally found the courage, it was too late. There was no one left to ask. So you're stuck with a big hole in your memory, hoping the mystery will vanish some day. The truth can't be any more frightening than the catastrophes your mind created. And it certainly can't be more horrible than seeing your parents die.  
  
Yep, in times like today, telling yourself to think Happy Thoughts isn't really useful.  
  
Maybe someday, with practice, it'll get easier.  
  
Or maybe the world will stop spinning so fast that is leaves you breathless in attempt to keep with its pace, only to find you have more thousands of light years to go.  
  
Sometimes you think you shouldn't have done this. You shouldn't have gone back. You should have stayed in your home, trying to repair the last shreds of hope of the free world. Only, you couldn't. There were things you simply can't glue back together, no matter how much you want to. You can't bring back the dead. You can't make the fallen bridge and comrades stand again. You're not the wizard of Oz.

You can't bring Dorothy a heart.  
  
And while there are times in which you're afraid you ran away, you remind yourself that you had no choice. Not that it helps, talking to yourself. You didn't really do it for the greater good, your mind taunts you. It knows you. It knows what you can and you can't do. And it knows you know it. You were always a dreamer. Even when the defenses of New York fell, you thought there was still hope. But it wasn't really hope all along, now you are ready to admit it. It is willingness to accept any alternative, no matter how far fetched it was. Yep, that's you.  
  
Even if you were the last man alive, you would have asked a building to give you an apple, not really getting handle of the whole End of the World thing. You are not really the man to be recruited to this mission. Hell, even someone who will TELL the damned building to give him banana will be better. But he's not you. And you're not him. So there's only one thing you can do about it.

You change yourself.  
  
Stone headed to prove to the universe that you are a new man, you are welcomed by a slight problem.  
  
Wyatt has been kidnapped.

* * *

--o0o--

* * *

I know that in the Wizard Of Oz it was the Tinman who wanted a heart, but since he was a minor character and Wyatt is. . .well, honestly speaking- one of the major ones, if not The one, I thought it didn't fit. 


	6. NighTingle

BEFORE NIGTH AWAKENS  
By Sickle Sword  
--o0o--

Disclaimer: I don't own anything so don't sue me. Fine, try. You won't get much.  
  
A/N: Quite a long chapter. Have fun!Again unanswered questions? Wait to the end!

Oh, and I still don't have a beta! Feel free to offer yourself!

_**AK8**_- Aw, what you wrote was so sweet! I swear I began melting. Unfortunately, I'm still in high-school so can't really do anything that includes writing except fanfiction, of course, but I'm hoping to have the courage to do it one day! . . .enough of the gut-wrenching confession. About the timeline. Hmmm. . I don't really know, but that's not the demons who took him in Prince Charmed. As for if it's before or after- I'll flip a coin later. . ;)  
  
**_It should have been me who had told him the truth, even when I didn't know what the meaning of the truth is, for I have lived in a lie. I should have held him close to my arms and closer to my heart and even when he chose to go away, I should have followed. It should have been me who died. Not him.

* * *

_**

**Chapter 6: NighTingale**  
  
You are a killer.  
  
You extend your hand and a moment before you hear the scream, you know you have hit your target. That he had died. There isn't triumph in your soul, or darkness, only acceptance. You have done what you had to do.  
  
Outwardly, you smile cockily, with so much arrogance and self adoration. While one inner part of you feels sick about who you have become, the other side is happy. You have crossed the ultimate line. Now, there's no coming back from what you have done. You can fight it, sure, but you can't win. It's pointless to feel sorry now. You had done what was essential and done it well. Now, it's up to the universe.  
  
Smugly, you open your eyes, staring at the pile of ashes that was once alive. You shiver as you force your mind to shut down. You don't need to think now, only to be led by reflexes. Only to live through today and tomorrow. And the days that will come later. Until none of that will matter anymore.  
  
You are not careful enough. You feel something stinging your chest in unbearable warmth before you feel the soothing being replaced with pain. You were hit by a Darklighter arrow. Peachy. You stumble to get your plan carried away despite the pain, and so as you see the tiny figure disappearing with the familiar blue lights, you let a pain-tear drop while you struggle to reach safety.  
  
But home is too far away. So you settle with dwarfing yourself at the farest corner of the room, letting the shadows hide you. Your face wears a last grateful smile before you let reality sink in.  
  
And sink with it.  
  
When you gain clarity once again, you can see swimming eyes staring at you. Wyatt.  
Sitting slowly, you realize that you are not hurt anymore. So long had passed before you've felt free from pain that you feel almost naked without it. But it feels good. Weird, but nice. Feeling that someone's watching, you ascend your eyes to meet your both parents staring at you.  
  
They are probably wondering what you are doing here, and you mentally shrug. It's not like they would understand if you told them anyway.  
You hesitate for a moment when looking at Leo you see uncertainty in his eyes. That's new; he usually has a very decisive glare when it's coming to you. Decisive about your unworthiness of trust.  
  
Then it occurs to you that he looks well. It wasn't him who healed you. It was Wyatt.  
  
The impact of it no longer hurts after all the time that passed, it's only nibbling a bit in your chest. It wasn't that he didn't try. He simply failed. And even if he doesn't know why- you do.  
  
The trigger is love.   
So, in another ironic twist of reality, it was the fact that your dad doesn't love you that saved him.  
There are times in which you swear that if you found who wrote the script to your life, you would have killed him.  
  
Returning to your . .. their. . .home, you hear the whole story. From the moment the Grafwel demon took Wyatt to the moment he orbed back to bring them to you. They didn't know about the deal. They couldn't know about the innocent you killed to save Wyatt. You can't have them knowing. All they do know, or think they know, is that the toddler saved you and defeated the demon. It's fine, you don't need their thanks. You only need them alive. So what if you had to do what was had to be done in the way? The only thing that matters now is that you will have a future to return to.  
  
None of what you did matter.  
  
No. it doesn't matter that you have killed an innocent.  
  
Only, it does to you.  
  
Back in your room, in your safety, you know you are doomed. You are no more than a monster that enjoys from blood and grows from hatred. You have murdered an innocent. You have murdered your last shred of hope. You always hoped that once you are freed from Wyatt's grip, you would be yourself again. How little you really knew of life. They never are in the way you anticipate. Your old self would have never killed so cold bloodily, with so much. . .nothing. There isn't another description of it. When you have taken the innocent's life, you've felt nothing.  
  
So much for being in the side of good.  
  
It's not like you haven't killed before. You vanquished many demons, witches and alias. But that was different somehow. Before, you could always hide and soothe your consciousness with the lie that it was an order from Wyatt. That your place is too small to make a real difference and even if you tried, nothing good will come out from it. And that killing one person isn't that bad in the bigger picture. You had to stay alive for you are the last good witch alive.  
You considered yourself good then. Foolish. It was already then when the seeds of who you really were- nothing but a demon- were planted.  
  
You should have known.  
  
But now, you can't hide anymore behind the mask of the things you have to do in order to save your family. Your future. You simply can't look at yourself and see that even thought everything had happened, nothing in your reflection had really changed.  
  
You know how the world works. Wyatt was like that, too. You never knew when the first time he killed an innocent was. His face never changed.  
As yours. You stayed the same way. Only different.  
  
God, you're confusing yourself. This is not good.  
  
But then again, what is GOOD? You certainly aren't.  
  
You orb down to the manor, your childhood place, and you pass your finger longingly at the old living-room table, remembering all the happy hours you've spent in this place. Before it was tainted by evil forever. Your only hope is that this time around, things would be different. That you will be different this time. Simply different.  
  
Piper is coming down as something inside you is breaking hurtfully. She's not happy with you. Not that you can blame her. Not really. She doesn't trust you. She thinks you're evil.  
  
You agree.  
  
And the truth is that you're so far from her that you don't even care anymore. You're simply happy that there is some sort of reaction from her and not the icily glare you've got from her during the last month.  
  
Childish, hu?  
  
But you miss them. You miss Wyatt and Adam. You miss your family.  
  
And now, the truth is that it's killing you. To kill others. To keep all those secrets all the time. You can't stay anymore in that semi-life routine when you can't breathe anymore. From love, passion. And shame. You are ashamed of what you have become. You have enough of telling lies. But somehow every time your heart nearly gives away your secret, it isn't the right time. You were ready to tell them when a demon jumped in. when the girls went missing, again. Or when Wyatt was kidnapped. So many things stood in your way when the secret was nearly out, that you take it as a sign. It should never be known. But to knowing is one thing and having to celebrate and mourn everything by yourself is another thing. It takes something out of the person you once thought you were- someone who listened. It is too hard to listen when the only thing your ears are forever looking for are 2 small, impossible words- my son. She doesn't know.  
  
She doesn't want too, really. Isn't trying hard enough. Not that you can blame her. You can be annoying. And. . .you deserve it, honestly speaking. Being ignored by your family is the toughest thing from all that the universe can punish you with. You wonder if that's the usual way of being punished of killing an innocent. And if that's why Wyatt became so heartless, because he too, suffered.  
  
She, your mother, suddenly looks at you, her eyes quivering with suspect. Just like then, when she looked at Wyatt. And then she leaves. She gives you the silent therapy.  
  
Again.  
  
Before she disappears entirely, she's looking back. At you. And then she continues walking to her safe place, her fortress, her room  
  
You know that because every time she had to handle things she couldn't, she simply fortified herself in the room. You hated her for that. Maybe if she had gone out and had tried to face Wyatt when he began hanging out with his buddies, she would have lived. Yes, she asked you before if you blame her for your future.  
  
You said you didn't. You lied.  
  
It was only because of her, because she couldn't, no, wouldn't, fight for her life that the world didn't survive. It was the final thing that broke Wyatt and gave him the final seal of approval from fate to go and become a tyrant.  
  
But you also don't blame her. She couldn't have known. She was simply too tired from life after her sisters' death. This is too late blaming her anyway. In your time she's gone.  
  
A nd now she's gone from your sight again. You give in to the fear that you won't see her again for only tiny second before you force yourself to remember the facts. She only went to bed. You wish you could come with her, cuddle like a little boy under the blanket and hear her saying that everything is going to be alright. But you can't.  
  
"Promise me one thing, mom" you whisper, fighting tears. You can't cry now. You have lost your right to cry. Only human beings cry. You are not one of them anymore. You are nothing more than a killer. "Promise me that when this is all over, you'll buy my soul back"  
  
And then you let go. You cry.

* * *

--o0o--

* * *


	7. Deafening Silence

BEFORE NIGTH AWAKENS  
By Sickle Sword  
--o0o--

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the mentioned characters yadda yadda yadda. When have I said anything other than that and therefore were worth of such punishment to write over and over AND OVER that I don't own anything? Is it a new way of rubbing the wounds???  
  
A/N: Aww. Thank you so MUCH , everyone who reviewed and made me a mushy puddle!! Now let's get personal, beware!  
  
AK8 : Thank you so much for your review! If sometime I really write a book, you are getting one for free! ;)  
  
vintagegirl : LOVE it? Oh giggling thank you!!!!  
  
denna5 : Thank you for your wonderful 2 reviews! As for your idea- I'm deeply touched! Waiting anxiously to read you story!  
  
Nemesis' Arrow: Thanks!! Here I'm updating now!   
  
_**It should have been me who had told him the truth, even when I didn't know what the meaning of the truth is, for I have lived in a lie. I should have held him close to my arms and closer to my heart and even when he chose to go away, I should have followed. It should have been me who died. Not him.**_

* * *

**Chapter 7: Deafening Silence  
**  
Sometimes, you simply don't know what to say. You want to say something, to scream from the top of your lungs, until it will reach the sky. Only you can't. You were brought to silence. And you can't hold on anymore. This isn't as easy as it used to be, holding your mouth shut. Never having the chance to say what you think. You have the knowledge of their entire history. You know when they will meet their Prince Charmed, how and in which circumstances. You know when they will be poisoned and turn into other . . . creatures, in lack of a better term. And who will have the antidote to their situation. But what use is all that information when you can't do anything with it? when the only thing you can do is to give them cryptic hints, hoping that they will catch that when you flip your eyes in that direction, it means a demon is about to attack. But they never do. They are so consumed with suspect that every time you cough, they take it as a sign. The funny thing is, coughing is the only thing that comes natural.  
  
Once, you believed you could save Wyatt. You really did. But somehow, somehow along the way something had happened and you can't be so sure anymore that the task you had taken on you is not too much. You can't keep hiding all the time, although this is exactly what you're always doing, and show no sign of stopping it. And the plain truth is while you are consumed inside in hatred and fears, you become so used in hiding it, that you can hide it from yourself as well.  
  
In the beginning every time you saw them, their faces and the casual way they are talking with you, like you were a mere stranger, you wanted to scream at their deaf faces that all they need to do is look. That it's really not that hard to find out. In time, you discover it is. Maybe if no one succeeded finding your secret, you are simply a good actor. Maybe they are bad audience. Or maybe you really didn't belong to this family in the first place. And whereas it was a pretense for a while, in the end you feel that way- you are no more than their whitelighter. Yes, one who cares about their interests and welfare more than he should but definitely not the same person who will abandon his life to save them. And you know this is exactly what you have done- abandoned everything- for them. And they weren't grateful. Because you've never wanted them to be grateful, to know the truth. While in fact, this is all you want.  
  
You desire their approval and warmth every day of your life, and the days keep stretching in false expectation, and you can't keep doing it, so you stop. And while in the beginning you needed the blocking- empath potion all the time, you don't need it anymore. You don't feel that longing any more.  
  
Now, there's silence. At last- silence. So many times you wished for a moment of silence. You are not used of having a big family, as most of your life you were in solitude. And all of a sudden, you have Mother and Father, Aunts and brother. Yet, they don't know any of that.

It's better that way.

Quieter.  
  
They are gone for now. Letting you think. Phoebe's at work. It will take her some time to rearrange her priorities, but eventually she'll do it. Paige is at Richard's. She will marry that slime in the near future and divorce him 2 days later when she finds out his secret. You know all about it, it was your bedtime story, one that she liked so much to tell. It reminded her of bad times, before she met Gavin. She always said that you have to accept the bad things if you want to enjoy the good ones. It's a lot of crap, really. But a stylish one.

And piper? She's. . .quite frankly, mother is the only one you have no idea what her future holds. Besides dying. That's the only thing you know for sure about her. That and the scattered memories your mind couldn't erase from your consciousness. She held you in your arms when you were smaller, whispering that eventually everything will get better. But nothing did. In the end, the only things that remained were the promises she could not fulfill. That, and the lost scent of her hair.  
  
You close your eyes, inhaling the precious spices of childhood before they will be forgotten once again, before you will have to face reality. Normally, you wish the memories to let go, let the dead sleep peacefully at last, but your mind refuses to obey your shattered will. And now, you have to hold on to something to keep you sane. And your past memories about happiness, they are the only one who can do it.  
  
You came back to save the world, so you've said to your aunts, but had you really? Can you save yourself? What will happen to YOU when it's all over?  
  
So many questions are running in your head. So little answers. So many 'what if's' are playing in your head until you don't know anymore which of those are the real life, and which were created by your hallucinating imagination.  
  
But sadly, there is one thing you do know. You have lost any chance for happiness. Now, you're in a Tween Zone, neither in the past nor future. You won't be able call your past home if you have no other choice and you'll fail. There is a new you to be born. And there will not be home for you in the future if you win either. There will be renewed you, someone who will never have to make the choices you wish you hadn't made. In fact, in any way you'll look about it, in the end, you'll lose.  
  
In the beginning it depressed you. And now? Now you want to face whatever reality, just not to be hanged between everything like you are now.  
  
Between the past and future, should and shouldn't, love and hatred. You just want to have one thing precise for once in your life, you are so sick of being unsure, of everything. Hell, you're not even sure how to handle your own family!  
  
Most of the time, you don't have a clue about what to say to them, which lies to sell, because you have drifted so far apart from each other that you don't remember when was the last time you have seen them smiling. And you know that's your fault. Because you encouraged them to abandon their lives in favor of your elder brother, just like they did the last time. And you have never once questioned yourself maybe they needed their lives for the balance. Perhaps that was what killed them.  
  
And one day, reality slaps you in your face as your mother, Piper you should call her now, decides she have had enough. She doesn't want the baby to become neurotic. She doesn't have to say the end of the sentence, it is obvious. She's fighting so the baby won't become messed up. Like you. And she doesn't even know that in your reality, you are the sane one.  
  
But maybe this is you who responsible for that.  
Maybe the constant fear, the tension and the almost obsession toward his safety, from you, mainly, but also Adam, had him what he became. Tyrant. As such, he is safe.  
  
And none of those you care the most don't know what's it like to live your life, and you pray they will never have to, because then it'll mean you have failed. And you've gone through simply too much to fail. The universe can't be that cruel.  
  
You see your family every day, and in time you are consumed. They couldn't accept who you were in the past, your past- their future. Why will they accept you now? So despite the almost desperate cry your heart is making, you build a wall around yourself. You will not survive another rejection. They will not survive another rejection. The last time, it killed them.  
  
And now, it kills you that the last words you have told your ghosten relatives were denial of their parenthood, and even though you have been given a second chance, you can't make it right because you keep denying the truth from them. But whereas on your mom's deathbed you have done it for yourself, from uncontrolled anger toward her mortality, now you do it consciously. For their sake.  
  
It doesn't mean it lessers the pain, though. In fact, bottling everything inside you simply makes it worse. You can't sleep because you see their ashen faces every single time you close your eyes. The ghosts of the dead are chasing those who were lucky, so you've heard. Only, you weren't lucky that you have survived. There is a fine line between your life to their deaths. You breathe, they don't. That's it. In all other aspects, you are dead by now.  
  
Yet you live. For their sake. You have to save them and your brother and magic. You have to save the world. Every time you think about it, you know the task will claim your life. And the scarier part- it's fine by you.  
You are not in a hurry to die, yet if the angel of death, the same monster you have failed to fight in your childhood, will come after you, this time you will let it take you. If it promises you will be able to see those you have lost once in a while.

Or even, you dare to hope, more.

* * *

--o0o--

* * *


	8. On Eagle's Wings

**BEFORE NIGHT AWAKENS  
By Sickle Sword  
--o0o--**

Disclaimer: Don't own anything yadda yadda yadda  
  
A/N: I'm thrilled to say that I finally updated and that this chapter is a long one! Again, very angsty, but as you probably realized already- this is the main genre of this story..  
  
**rafiki** – Thank you! I love it that you love the story! And if you say that I'm a good writer, who am I to disagree?  
  
**AK8** – If you thought the previous one was sad, just wait for this one. . . All I have to say to my defense is- well- I was depressed!  
  
**denna5**- Still waiting to read your story! I'm sure it's gonna be great!  
  
**Nemesis' Arrow-** Welcomed happily to the Holy Land!  
  
**_It should have been me who had told him the truth, even when I didn't know what the meaning of the truth is, for I have lived in a lie. I should have held him close to my arms and closer to my heart and even when he chose to go away, I should have followed. It should have been me who died. Not him.  
_**

* * *

**Chapter 8: On Eagle's Wings  
**

You watch the last glimpse of summer being erased from your sight only to wonder where do they go to. And if they can take you away with them. Another drop of dew is hanging on a branch for a moment before it falls and being crashed by the sand underneath it. Just like everything else.  
  
You hear the girls talking about something, but your mind is already free, it is no longer locked in this gloomy side of earth, but you can feel the breeze in China holding you hard against its warmness, and you melt.  
  
Only shattered words are reaching your ear "rainy weather", "Titans" and "Chris". They are talking about you. But you can't force your mind to come back to the land of living, it had chosen to be away so you will not feel the pain of today, the pain that is now slicing your body like being stabbed by the pieces of the Source. You can feel one of them getting closer. Probably Phoebe, your mind figures, and you really don't care. She can come close as much as she wants, she can never come close enough.  
  
She calls you, but you choose to ignore it. The practical side of your mind is yelling at you. You are scaring them. You are scaring yourself. However, this is all you can do for now, let your mind scream, and continue to be engulfed by the nothing.  
  
"CHRIS" She screams to your ear, and you are forced to face her. To face reality.  
  
"What?" you moan with a hoarse voice, hoping that they wouldn't notice. But you know they already did. They always do.  
  
"Are you ok, Sweetie?" Piper, your mother asks. Sweetie. You haven't heard her call you like that for so long. So long. But you don't need it today, you go harsh on yourself, you can't freak out like that every year. You are supposed to be detached, and not to let them get under your skin. The plain fact is, however, that if they weren't your family, you were already their best friend. But they are who they are and you are who you are. And that changes everything. You can't come clean with your thoughts, no matter how much you want to. There is too much risk.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine" you lie, like you have lied to them so many times during the last year, during their last year. You say it naturally. You already know that it doesn't matter what you say, the nuance of how you say it does. And you had a lot of practice in this territory. You hope they bought it. You hope they didn't.  
  
Aunt Phoebe puts her hand on you, and you feel warmth coming from her, to your heart. She cares about you, she **cared **about you, you remind yourself. Now, she is just a stranger. Who coincidently cares.  
  
You feel her hand slipping in shock, and you know she had seen something she wasn't supposed to. Something that you had fought so many times to hide from them. You just know. How? You don't have a clue.  
  
You look at her kind face that are now twisted in horror, and wonder what it was that shocked her so much. Which part of your life had she envision? Which part of the death of your soul had she seen?  
  
And in the end, all that matters is that you will keep living, not your soul. It doesn't matter how or why or even for how longer, only- for a moment more. And it's already like your mini-fight, your way to prove the universe it can't simply throw things at you and expect you to handle them. There are limits to a human being, even if he doesn't know that sometimes. And you have just reached your limits.  
  
Your gaze is held on her, trying to crack her, to get premonition of what she had seen. Only once you managed to do it, only at the bed of death when you had nothing to lose, you let your mind hear the whispers of the wind and take you to the future. You have tried to do so many times again, but never succeeded. You will be foolish to think this time was different.  
  
You try anyway. It's not your fault you were born stubborn. It's in your genes.  
  
As you try it, however, you are being washed by the sea of pity which her tears created. You don't need to guess anymore, you know what she saw. Who she saw.  
  
You can't stand it. You get up and orb to the room you got used of calling yours. You lost so much in your life because you couldn't keep the act, couldn't smile and say that everything is alright when every time you saw red, your inner eye wept for the blood your mother lost, and which you couldn't give back. Every time you let the walls that guarded your hear fall, someone you cared about got hurt. You can't let that happen this time. Because if that happens again, you just know, this time will be the final one. No more second chances.  
You have to guard your secret. And your soul.  
  
You hear the thunder whirling in anger and wish it to understand and give you some quiet. You have heard too many screams in your life, now, all you want is silence. As if understanding, the whole atmosphere of the room becoming darker, even the wind is tiptoeing far away.  
  
Finally.  
  
You wish to sleep this day over, just like you have done every year since then, but now you have responsibility. You won't just abandon your family. You have done that once, look where it got you.  
  
Voices. Whispers. Steps. Someone is coming. Someones are coming. You don't need them to make a voice to know they were coming. One of the privileges, or curses, of being a whitelighter is the ability to know exactly when they are and what their state is every given minute. Now, they are distressed, confused, want to help you but don't know how. And the truth, you know there isn't a way they can help you, you just want them to go away.  
  
Ha, as if.  
  
Paige is the one who tries to reach you first. They probably thought it would be the best because she had parental issues as well. She sits silently, waiting for you to start talking, but you insist of staying locked. Even if it hurts her now, later she would be thankful.  
  
The silence is stretch to the boundaries of uncomfortable and embarrassment. Probably Paige understands that too and signals her sisters to go. That maybe it will be easier being just the two of you. In a way she's right. It's easier to shut up in two.  
  
"So, Chris, do you like it here?" she begins rambling and your numb mind struggles to understand where is it "here". The past, this century, the idea that you have freedom to do whatever you like and that magic is a secret? What from all those is 'here'?  
From the look in her eyes you realize there's no way she knows about you so much. She's probably just trying to get to you in the simplest way, through small talks. She's asking you about your room. They never really bothered to talk with you about anything but work, and so far it worked well. After all, you are their whitelighter, for crying out loud, they are not your therapists. And this is easier that way, treating them like strangers. If they start mothering you any time soon, you will break.  
  
"Yes, it's fine" you say and then have enough "what do you want, Paige?"  
  
"Just to know something" she answers with equal sincerity. It surprises you. You expected her to go away or take offense. You wanted her to do it. You should have known by now, they are not regular people, the Charmed ones, their minds don't work exactly the way most minds do. Damn.  
  
She's looking straight into your eyes, and you feel vulnerable, exposed. You don't like to feel that way, so you turn your gaze from her. Sign of weakness, maybe, but hey, you always knew who and what you are.  
  
"What's it like to be alone?" she, the one who had been a social worker and who seen so much loneliness, asks you. She really has to work on her tact.  
  
Before you have time to think it over, to find an answer that isn't too revealing, preferably cryptic and something to do with the future you can't say much about, your head interferes. "It's lonely".  
  
It's lonely? You curse with the entire defense mechanism you were left. What are you, 6 years old? It's time to get over it, she died and that's it. You're supposed to be strong, you tell yourself, and abruptly look at her angelic face, daring her to say something.  
  
She dares.  
  
More softly this time, she challenges you to answer "when did they pass away?"  
  
They? Your mind question you, and then you remember the illusion that was held that day. For you- it was 'they' as well. Hesitantly, you answer "a while ago". Hoping she won't inquire further so you won't have to lie.  
  
Matter of factly, she captures your wandering eyes and holds them like in charm. You can't get away from the question marks that are spread all over. Then she abruptly asks "Chris, you are in the past. Why aren't you going to meet your parents? To warn them? To save yourself from dying, even?"  
  
"I wasn't conceived yet" you answer, blushing "and besides, I won't jeopardize everything, I can only change one thing. Wyatt". You remember the rules very well for you have memorized them repeatedly. You can't save your parent, only Wyatt. Knowing isn't making it easier, though, only your consciousness is somehow cleared. Not that you care anymore about it.  
  
You see her furrow her brows in confusion "you chose to save Wyatt over you own parents.. . Why?"  
  
Really, why? Why would one choose to save his brother over his parents? Why would one decide that saving the world is more important that saving 3 innocent souls?  
And the only answer you can ever reach is- because some things are set into the stone. Others, you try to fight. But you have to choose your fights wisely, or you'll fail in both. And you can't fail, not this time.  
In last attempt to get the conversation off the subject it is heading to, you avoid direct answer and reply "you wouldn't understand".  
But you know that if you had explained it to her, she just as well might.  
  
"Try me. I'm much more open-minded that people think I am"  
  
"I'm sure you are" you try to flatter her, having the conversation on her "you are a witch. I don't think that if you were any less than open to new ideas you would have decided being one"  
  
"Yeah. . . . who knew, Chris Perry is actually capable of giving compliments" she teases you and you mockingly frown while inside you gloat. You have succeeded in you plan. And then she says "nice try, by the way"  
  
"Nice try?" you try to sound innocent but already know you were busted.  
  
"Yep. But not good enough. So, why did you choose Wyatt?" Paige repeats her question while you move uncomfortably, feeling under investigation. You hate that feeling, she always had the ability to press you to the corner and with her delicate wit to force you answer everything she wanted. You mentally moan. If she only believed what she got out from you, things might have been different today. But she never did. She always assumed you had over-active imagination. Part of it was true- when you realized she wouldn't believe you anyway you began testing her, seeing her reaction to lies. The reaction was the same. Ever since, you have learnt the importance of the lie. And ironically, because you always told her the truth in your past, you could now tell her bluntly lies.  
  
Only, you can't lie to her. You're afraid that if you start repeating old norms, the past . . future. . .will come to haunt you. If it hadn't already.  
  
Compromising, you answer "I can't tell you"  
  
"You know, you can't hide under the excuse of the future forever" she tells you sternly and you know she's right.  
  
"God, I know". You do. You really do. "But I can try"  
  
"Come on, you said I'm open minded, try me"  
  
"Well" the wheels in your head are whirling in full speed in your desperate trial to make something up. Nothing comes to mind. You settle with the truth "it's simple, really. If I save him, maybe I will be able to save her as well"  
  
"Her?"  
  
"Mom"  
  
"And what about you dad?"  
  
You look at her doubtably, inquiring her motives and then say "Yeah, him too. Look, I don't really want to talk about it" you brush her off when you are actually screaming inside, desperate to talk.  
  
Maybe she hears you. She doesn't let got. "What are you thinking about?"  
  
You think for a moment and then mentally shrug. You feel so alone, talking just might help for a while, until you will get your real family, in the future you'll save. "Do you believe in Heaven, Paige?"  
  
You caught her unprepared. Good. So maybe she's not know-it-all all of a sudden. "I don't really know. I guess. Why?"  
  
"Well, I know there's hell for demons and humans who went evil. And then there's the underworld. And if a person is good, he gets the chance to ascend Up There. But what about us? What happens to good witches when they die?"  
  
"Going to the afterlife, I suppose"  
  
"But it's not heaven"  
  
"No. . .it's not. Why does it matter?" she asks and you feel the urge to protect yourself from her. She doesn't understand. She can't.  
  
"I guess it doesn't" you say, defeated. There isn't much point asking her that anyway. It's not like she would know. You simply hoped that it would ease the pain for a while, if someone had told you that there's a place to where the good witches going to. That mom didn't just go into a thin air, forgotten.  
  
"Come on," Paige looks determined, ready to tear the truth out of you if that what it'll take "you wouldn't have asked if you didn't think it was worth mentioning"  
  
She's right. You give in. Again. Who knows, she might tell you the Big Truth after all. At least, her Big Truth. "I don't know. I just want to believe that there's justice in the world. The bad guys suffer for eternity, sure, but they also exist. It's only fair that the good ones would have a picnic at the rest of their NotLife." You struggle not to squirm away. You sound pathetic, all those Grand Plan talks. You thought you grew up, awakened from the ideals in the former fantasy world of yours. But apparently, even with the knowledge that the Good not always wins, you want to know it is. What's wrong with you? Trying to conclude lamely, you ask "do you think there's life in the Afterlife, Paige?"  
  
God, what were you thinking? You beat yourself and avert your eyes, not wishing to see her brows lifted in the familiar way when she's surprised.  
  
Apparently, though, she doesn't think it's such a bad question after all. Either that or she's being polite. You really hope it was the first option. Really.  
  
After a moment of thinking, she answers with a certain voice "of course. Otherwise, from where all the ghosts coming when you need them?"  
  
You chew your lip in hesitant and answer slowly, pale as you reveal another layer of your soul. "They don't always come, aun. . . Paige. Some of them keep ignoring you for years". That was probably why you could never believe Them when they talked about angels.  
  
She goes quiet for s little while, and then answers hesitatingly "Well, I don't know about ghosts, but I Do want you to know that the rest of us are here for you"  
  
Sweet. Unpractical, but sweet.

"You're not in my time, Paige. The Titans. . ." you chock as the memory strikes. The world, your world, is at the edge of collapsing. It's a lie, actually. Sure she lived in your world. But she doesn't have to know details. Sometimes you think that in the way she has lived, she was better not living in the first place. Being a slave in her own body for so many years, until the shock of mom's death awakened her, and not to be released from the guilt for so many years. . .it's amazing. Amazing how she managed to survive for so long. You admired her for that. You still do. Sometimes. When you don't hate her for going and blowing herself up when she has had enough. And taking Aunt Phoebe with her to the grave.  
  
"So not Us as in. . .US.. but other mortals. We're there."  
  
"No, they're not. Mortals are worse than ghosts in listening"  
  
"I'll tell you what. While in this time, why won't you let us listen?" she offers you a present. She doesn't even know what is it that she offers. You hope she never will understand that in your world, giving information costs life. Usually of the one who tells and being crosses. That what he deserves for his stupidity. And you. . you are no better than a unaccustomed kid in your time.  
  
"I wish you could" you say honestly. This time. "But the future. . .it's too risky."  
  
"So don't tell me about the future. Tell me about you. How did your mom die?" she goes straight to the deep water. Brave.  
  
You force out a dry, sad laughter "it's ironic, really. She always wanted to live a normal life. She couldn't have it. But her death . . . only hear death was normal." Maybe not normal per se, but without demon interference and for that, you will always be grateful.  
  
Without saying anything, Paige simply puts her hand on your shoulder, offering comfort that words can't give.  
  
**_flashback  
  
You see her eyes being closed slowly as you press your hand to her chest, trying to force her to breathe. Only you can't. So you watch her struggle to breathe by herself. Now closer, you can hear her mumble, she's trying to say something to you. You curse yourself for running away because you were angry, you curse the woman who decided to water her plant just above your mother's head and that didn't notice that the flowerpot fell. You curse the mob that thought it was interesting and gathered around you and her. You curse the cruses you told her, denying her parenthood, when you weren't thinking and raged about her, wishing now you could have swallowed them until none remains. You curse your helplessness and Wyatt and Adam for not being here, they probably would have known what to do. And you curse her. Because she's leaving you.  
  
You avert your eyes from her, knowing this is causing her pain but insist of denying her state when you feel something cold. Her hand. You mother died.  
  
"Someone, help, please" you beg to the sky, hoping they will do something only to be left alone in the rain that started pouring on her bare head mercilessly.  
  
The mob that circled you finally go from the wrath of the storm, leaving you alone as the blood keeps pouring at the city streets, chasing with its crimson threads after the living only to be washed away by the rain.  
  
end of flashback  
_**  
"She had an accident." you tell your nosy aunt "when I came back home that day, I discovered that my dad died when he found out"  
  
The only thing that comforted you for a while was the thought that she was with God, an angel. She deserved to be an angel. And you never once doubted she was one. You hoped dad was with her in the afterlife. She loved him, in that you were sure. You simply were never certain he loved her back.  
  
And then, you realized the truth. It was an accident, really, but nevertheless real. You came home when you saw him. Your father alive.  
You panicked. You had the right to. You thought he had died and left you for the final time. You have been already accustomed to his absence so it wasn't hard. Just depressing, really.  
  
He saw you. And you saw him. And then, when the thunder illuminated his face with a blue shudder, making him look like a skeleton, you realized something. All those nights everyone avoided your questions. All those answers that never fulfilled your growing paranoia of being out of the loop. All the time you saw the deceased and now living members of your family covered with blood from head to toe while they never had a single scratch on them. All the years they were healthy all the time. They told you that all those were the figments of your imagination.  
  
They lied.  
  
Terrified from the truth, you ran. You ran until you couldn't keep running, and even then you kept doing it. Till you fell.  
Everything was fuzzy and you felt warm and nice like being snuggled in a king-size bed. Your dad was there, and he made all the aches go away. You were so tired to think about it at the time, only grateful.  
Then came the explanations that everything was for your own good. Then he told you about magic. Then you discovered he's an angel. And then, there was silence. You were mistaken all along. There wasn't God. Your mom can't be an angel. And even angels can't heal everything. He couldn't heal the ache in your soul.  
  
And while you were drowning in information you never wanted to know in the first place, your dad stretched his immortal wings and left you once again.  
  
"When?" she asks you and you suddenly realize you revealed her valuable information. If by mistake Piper finds out, she will be scared for her life from that date. She won't live. You might end changing her personality. You can't do it. You need to know she's happy with her life, not scared every passing moment.  
  
Thinking quickly, you answer. "Quite a while ago, actually. It's not even today, I just. .. . you know, it suddenly hit me hard. I'm sorry. I'm ok now, really" you lie to her with straight face.  
  
She doesn't believe you but respects your right to privacy. She's always been like that, and you are grateful she hadn't changed.  
  
After few moment of silence, she finally gives up. You give her a lot of credit, lesser than her would have given up sooner. You are not easy to live with, that you know.  
Suddenly you realize that her steps are echoing in your mind, hurting you. Your head is about to explode. You are thankful that she walked a moment before you double in pain, you don't want her to know.  
  
Just like she denied from you the truth of her death till the last moments, you know you have to hide from her and your family what is happening to you. You can't afford history to repeat itself. After all, this is what you've came for. To change it. You can't have them die again. Not because of you. Not because of Wyatt and definitely not because you can't fight the damn poison in your veins.  
  
But you would think what to do about it tomorrow. Today, you will simply surrender to the familiar pain. And let it wash away your doubts.

* * *

--o0o--

* * *


	9. Truth Untold

**BEFORE NIGHT AWAKENS**

**By Sickle Sword**

**--o0o--**

Disclaimer: Frankly, don't have a clue who owns the series, though my suspect is that it's WB, even so, I know that I DON'T own them, and so should you after so many chapter.

A/N: I know that the last chapter was sad, and this one is going to be even more dramatic. Yep, don't expect happy things from me. That's not my style. 

**AK8**: I'm Going to make you cry in one of these chapters? You mean that I haven't already? Mission accomplished. winking 

Oh, well... Thank you for reading and reviewing!

**paige fan**: Thanks for the compliments! My muse lives for these!

**denna5**: Smiling Thank you so much! Here I'm updating so you'll be able to be sad some more! maniac laughter from me

**Nemesis' Arrow**: You really liked it? Wow, thanks! Hope you'll like this chapter too!

_**It should have been me who had told him the truth, even when I didn't know what the meaning of the truth is, for I have lived in a lie. I should have held him close to my arms and closer to my heart and even when he chose to go away, I should have followed. It should have been me who died. Not him. **_

* * *

**Chapter 9: Truth Untold**

****

Soon, tomorrow will be today. You always feared from what the next day will bring. Somehow, you never related to the "I love you tomorrow" songs. It gives you the impression that even if today the world had dies and you are dying with it, if you only hold on to tomorrow, you will be saved. Bullshit. People aren't coming back that easily after only one day. Or the day after, or month or year later.

They stay dead.

But, of course, you were always different. You have lost nearly anyone who mattered to you, and won them back. There are times in which you wonder when you will have to pay for that piece of happiness, and you get a cold feeling inside knowing that the payback time will soon come.

You never got free gifts before, this time, you are sure, you will pay greatly.

But before you will have to do it, you can enjoy for a little while, before the next burst of pain will shatter you again. Oh, yeah, you know that it will come again. But you also know there isn't a goddamn thing you can do about it. And frankly, you are happier now. It doesn't really matter to you right now about the next hour or so, because you have envisioned hell already, how worse can the afterlife be?

THEY don't know yet about Wyatt, though. It's the only thing that prevents you from feeling detached from the whole dying thing. They are going to mourn you. And even while in the beginning you thought they don't care about you, you grew to understand differently. And if it makes any different now, you care about them. Even more than in the day you decided to leave everything to save them.

Phoebe's coming closer. You try to look normal, but you know better than that. So many times you lied to them that it seems that they already know when you are avoiding from the truth.

"Come on, let's go outside" she offers you.

You look at her suspiciously and then give up. She probably thinks you are still sad because of your parents' death. You can see that the vision affected her, seeing mom dying. You wish you could tell her that it's ok, now, really, mom's fine and although you were completely moron in the beginning, you decided to you would give her a note later that will explain everything and prevent her from dying. And screwed the consequences.

You both go to the garden around the corner, and you can't help but to feel nostalgia washing over you. You were here when you were younger, when your family was still intact. Only, you are not young so young now. Not anymore.

You can feel your mind turning numb to the pain that explodes in you, and you don't know whether you should be grateful for that, or scared. Because apathy and fear were the only emotions that were driving you lately, it was only fair that this will be the way you will say goodbye to the world.

You feel your life draining away from you like many times before, like one time in particular. your had experienced pain and near- death experiences more times that you care to admit, but it doesn't get any easier with practice. Each time you feared you were losing your life for sure this time, fate smiled his dry grin and saved you, until the next time. Every time you thought there was no hope, rescue arrived. Something inside you wishes that this was the same again, but you can't believe it.

Not this time.

Long forgotten memories of your childhood are coming back to haunt you as you envision yourself walking to school, alone for the first time. You were so frightened then because you were sure you were all alone, and you cried for your parents to come. Then you stopped crying. They left you. Tears weren't strong enough to bring them back, you weren't strong enough.

You've never cried again.

But now there are suddenly trail of tears warming your cheek, freezing your inside. Every drop of that liquid is precious for you have no cried for so long. Too long.

You thought you were ready to die. You were wrong.

"What's wrong?" Phoebe asks you and you struggle to maintain blank expression but it's hard to do with the tears. You don't want to freak her out, to tell her that every bone inside you is screaming. That you don't have much time left.

Swinging swiftly, you gaze over the large tree that was there when you were younger, many years from now, and you see that its leaves are falling.Never once before you saw that happens, you always believed that it was immune to exfoliation, that it will grow forever, even while you will be gone

But you will be gone soon enough.The nature is lamenting for you.

Leaves from nearby trees are stroking your cheeks, cooling you until your bone marrow. They are brown, the fallen leaves, and dry. They were not meant to stay long atop of the trees, they are better that way, crashed on the ground. Furrows of dust are carved on the ashen ground, holding memories of happier times when children ran over it with joy.

In your time, it was their grave.

"Nothing. I'm just thinking" you whisper to your oblivious aunt and you find that to be the truth. Nothing hurts, nothing except your heart. For now.

"Come on, drink some water" she hands you over a canteen. You nod your head in amazement, what drove her to bring water when you went only 5 minutes away from home, you will never know. But you don't want to know why, you prefer to think that inwardly she knew that it will help, her sub-consciences accepting things before her mind.

You drink gratefully, happy to have the cool liquid sooth the ache in your heart.

"So, what happened?" she asks again, this time firmly.

"Nothing much, I just don't want to leave you" you answer and then you realize what you just said, shocked. You didn't mean to say that!

"Why would you leave us?" she doesn't understand. You don't understand what's happening, either.

"I don't have much time left." You answer again, this time you are SURE you didn't mean to say that.

Oh, god, you suddenly understand. It was a truth potion. She probably decided that the spell had too many backfires while the potion was safer. Yep, you know all about it.

You don't need to ask yourself why she used it, it was obvious. She wanted to know the Big Secret. Only, she didn't know you kept it as a secret for their sake. Not yours.

"Why?" she asks and you keep quiet. You concentrate on breathing. In and out. Out and in. Breathe.

"Who are you, Chris?" she exhales irritated and continues questioning you with the same almost intimidating voice. You feel under the inquisition.

"Chris Perry. You know me, your whitelighter. Well, half whitelighter" you compromise one truth in the sake of other. You will tell them in small steps secrets they don't really need to know, expose the fact that you're not immortal, just to imbalance them.

You know already how the truth potion works. Much less effective than the spell. It's not a truth potion per se, only anti- lie.

"HALF whitelighter??"

"Yeah. My dad was a whitelighter. Mom's a witch" ok, too much information she didn't need to know. You only hope that she won't put two and two together, and get 9.

"Oh, really. And when exactly you meant to tell us that?" she's angry. Good. She'll be less focused that way.

This time, you don't have problem saying the truth "em . .never?"

"I see" she said, when she clearly can't see why.

A sudden strong wind engulfs you both and you shudder with the sudden cold. The pain is coming back.

"What's wrong?"

"Cold. So cold" your teeth chattering.

"Come on, let's get inside" she helps you to get up. You hate it that you feel so useless, dependant on her to walk. But it also feels good to be aided by someone who cares.

Finally, you reach home. Even the heat that is emitting from the house, holding a promise of love and warmth, can't make the chill go away. Only this time, you are not alone.

"Dear god, you're burning. Leo!" she calls your father, and even when the world starts to sway, you know that you can't let him save you. You have your future to worry about.

"No, please" you plead as a wave of another pain is cutting you to half.

"LEO!" She cries out again, desperately, and for once in your life you hope he has important reason why not to come. Why not to save you. And to destroy himself.

"What's going on. . . Chris?" Piper is sliding down the stairs in a hurry to the sight of you trembling. Great. There is no way you can get away with not telling them everything now.

"Please, don't call Leo" you cough hopelessly, needing to get your message heard.

Phoebe stops and looks at you with compassionate eyes.

"Want to tell us what's going on?"

You cough again. This time, blood is coming out. "I told you, I don't have much time"

"How long did you knew?" mom asks and you feel that the flush on your skin is growing hotter.

"Awhile. From . . the beginning"

You look at them exchanging worried looks, don't know if to trust you now. They aren't so sure now about your goal. You can guess what they are thinking, that you cam e back to save yourself. You would have thought that about you, too. Only, now you need them to listen, not to be suspicious of you. The information has to pass. For Wyatt's sake.

"Listen, I know I hadn't been the greatest Whitelighter ever. . ."

"Half whitelgither" Phoebe interrupts while mom rolls her eyes. Right. Not the time.

You continue speaking, now fast in fear that your strength will run out "but I meant what I said. I came to save Wyatt. From himself. Wyatt grows up to be a dictator. Piper, I know it's hard to believe, but it's true."

"Phoebe?" Piper sounds hysterical. You don't blame her. You expected that. Even more.

"Either he's telling the truth or he believes it's the truth. I gave him a truth potion, he can't lie"

"So. . " it's obvious she's trying to control herself from freaking out. "Wyatt is. . . not angel. . in the future?"

"No, he's not"

"And you didn't think it was relevant to tell us that sooner?" Piper asks, furious.

"I kindda hoped you will never find out. I wanted to find out who got to Wyatt and turned him, and prevent him from doing it. You would have never needed to find out and my future would have been better. I didn't want to hurt you"

"I'm sorry. I was unfair" she apologizes, falling exhaustingly on the couch.

You feel alarming jingles growing inside you as the pain is coming back. You hoped you would have more time.

You curl inside yourself, forcing your mind to breathe normal. Or just to breathe.

"What is it? Hurts?" Phoebe sees . . . or feels, that something is wrong with you. From her sitting position, Piper is looking at you with her warm eyes, and you only wish to be held by arm arms, wanted and protected, so she will tell you that everything is going to be ok, just like she did every time when things became to slide form worse to worst.

"Yeah."

"Is there anything we can do?"

You breathe heavily, fighting with yourself not to become numb and tell them things you prefer were left unsaid. But you can't. You feel the control leaving you as you are sinking to unconsciousness. Your mouth is the only thing that actives, speaking for the first time without barriers. "No. there's nothing. I'm dying"

* * *

--o0o--

* * *


	10. Hi There!

**BEFORE NIGHT AWAKENS**

**By Sickle Sword**

**--o0o--**

Disclaimer: Don't own nothing bla bla. I'm really beginning to tire writing that. The next chapter I'm simply going to "forget" it. Let's see what the TV lawyers are going to do!!!

A/N: This chapter is going to be a bit. . .different. But it's really important to the rest of the plot even if it seems weird right now. 

**succubus-69****:** Oh, thank you, I try very hard to make it as sad as possible. What can I say? I'm a tear-vampaire! HAAAA

**AK8** : Am not telling if he's going to die or not, you'll see already. Just bear with me and I promise that things will get clear.

**denna5**: Yes. . .I guess it was. It was really hard for me to write it, too. But it really helps that I really like to torture my favorite characters. ;)

**Nemesis' Arrow****:** AMAZING?? (Tear hanging in the edge of my eyes and whispering in gratitude) thank you

**rafiki **: He's dying, not dead yet . .there's always hope! (Not when it comes to my stories since I really enjoy making them tragic and which way better doing that besides killing the hero? But . . . well, you'll see already!) 

* * *

Hi there!

You don't know me, yet. You will. Not because you will want to, but because I am everything and am found even inside the void itself. I am in you, in your dreams and thoughts, your desires and the things you hold dear the most. Yes, I am even within love. Yet I am above love, beyond nature, space, dimensions and time.

I do not live by the laws of the world that lies underneath nor succumb to the pace of time. I am beyond time's reach and can manipulate it to my convenience, just as it can control me. Since I am beyond it, tenses do not apply me. Nor the laws of nature, physics and the once which were invented in order to protect their makers from their own kind. I am not in need for wormholes and spells to pass through time and space, I am only a viewer. And as one, all time is present for me. What I am about to tell you has already been told and if someday you will envision my deception of form, you will never be able to tell whether I am real or not. For it doesn't matter. Because for you I am real just like for me yesterday never existed.

My place is high in the monarchy of the sky for I have witnessed both heaven and hell, and I have came from each one of them intact, my soul seeking retribution from what was stolen from me.

Life.

I will avenge my death.

My story will never be mentioned in the pages of history as it is subjective, and my place will not be found there. For the writers of the course of time had already made up their mind- there is only place for one. The one you wish to accept.

You will never accept me. I am different from you, from everything that is considered beautiful and normal. Your nights are my days, and what you call darkness is the place I call home. My place is tiny in the sea of fortune you have always taken for granted but that was never given to me. My part is small in the realm of the living. But my piece is large in the plane of humans. Of you and your kind. I am essential for you all for I am everything that you avoid knowing and consist with so much passion. I am the ghostly savior of the underworld that deserted me and in time, it will pay the price as well.

I do not fear hatred, elements or fear. The eye of the storm cannot catch me nor can the dimmest pits of hell. I know their secrets and more than once while trying to capture me they bowed in humility against my powers. I only fear one thing- him. Only he, whose power compared to mine, will be able to fight me. He alone will have the chance to win.

Yes, as I am the ruler of the world underneath, he is the one who is in charge of the world of the living. He consists all the powers of his plane. Kind of like a king, you might say. And he is the only one who can bring me down. Prevent me from being unstoppable, a sick joke of the universe that decided the day I was born out of the void that there has to be balance. I cannot rule alone.

He is my mission and I am his. Once the task is completed, only one side will survive. The winning side.

If I am the one to win- there will be no tomorrow to either of you, pathetic mortal beings. And all the things you foolishly consider as good and (tfu) pure, will cease to exist. Foolishly, because as for you 'there is no good or bad, only power' cliché is just a manner of speaking, for me this is much more. This is a way of life.

If HE wins, Satan merci the souls of the sinners, those who seek manipulation and dishonesty will have to shriek and hide under the ground for million year from the rage of the earth, until another me and him will be created. Bummer. Trust me on this, you don't want a world that has only good in it, look at Hava- she chose to eat the forbidden fruit. Not because this was easier or because she was traitorous, but because living lives without temptation are not worth living. Even HE has few skeletons in his closets.

So how come he is still considered good? No idea. Ask the creator. He will surely know.

We are two sides of the same matter that were forced to fight against each other. We were set in stone years ago, when man first learned how to make fire and were foreseen eliminated only by the same fire that made us originally. Passion.

He and I are linked in the most magical, sacred and phony link possible- we came from the same womb. But as he was presented to the light, I have only seen darkness.

I am much more than your fictional bogeyman; I am your most fearsome enemy for I am you. I will bring to surface the things you preferred were stayed buried, yet for the sake of the world- I will bring them up. I am your worst enemy and ally.

I protect you from him.

* * *


	11. Lies Reborn

**BEFORE NIGHT AWAKENS**

**By Sickle Sword**

**--o0o--**

Disclaimer: As I threatened in the last chapter: I DO on everything! Muaahhhaaa! What are you going to do about it?

A/N: A kind request for everyone out there who reads the story: even if things look a bit bad this chapter, keep reading! Not promising a happy end, but afar all, Chris IS my favorite character. I will not survive without mentioning him at least once a chapter...

**Plus, I'm still in a desperate need for a beta and still no one suggested himself! Come on, people, I'm sure my grammar isn't THAT bad that you should be afraid! So, if you agree- just e-mail me to ! PLEASE!**

**rafiki** : Thank you for your kind review. Sorry that I confused you, but that was pretty much the point of the last chapter. And in this chapter- Chris is coming back in all his glory!

**AK8**: Oh my god, that was. .. thank you so much!!!!!

**denna5**: Did you really like that chapter that much? Thank you! Personally, this is one of my favorite chapters so far (wink). Did it really sound as if they both were born at the same time? Damn. Well . . .it was more like. . .you'll see already. I'm going to start explaining everything soon. Thanks for the review and keep them coming!

**Deranged black kitten of doom**: _giggling_ I love your name! Thank you for the review, and sleep a lot! I'm a great believer in sleeping! (And angst, you already know that I'm a tear-junkie!) 

* * *

**Chapter 10: LIES REBORN**

You have lived the last years in constant need for hide and shelter, your need for love nurtured from the flowers to which you've given life. The latter beings are the only ones you have given life to, instead of taking, and you are not proud of that. However, you are not ashamed.

You did what was had to be done to protect your family, even if they don't acknowledge you as their own, simply because it was your purpose. You went through hell and never really healed from it, for them.

And now, now there's only one thing you can do. To wake up from the forced nightmare to see the worrying faces of your relatives. You hope they didn't do anything stupid like trying to heal you. You would never forgive yourself if they did, and by that destroyed everything.

"Good morning" you hear buzzing. It takes your tired mind a while to understand what it means, and who's saying it. Paige. They called her home, to watch you die. Your father, on the other hand, isn't here. You dare to hope that it means what you think it means, that he wasn't here all along.

"What happened?" you ask and then all the events of the latest hours are coming to you in a huge boom. You remember "oh"

"Are you ok?" Piper asks you, her hand cool on your burning face.

"Yeah, better. Thank you"

"You got us worried for a while, fainting like that after saying you are dying." Paige says light-heartfully, but even from her tone you can tell she's worried. Just like all of them. Despite everything that fate put you throw, they were still your family, knowing it or not.

"Sorry" you smile sheepishly, but the effect is immediately ruined as you cough again. This time it's taking long till your lungs are letting you relax for a while, and you feel drained. Like after a massive demon attack. Like the last time you died.

"So, want to tell us why you don't want Leo to heal you?" Paige asks, always the practical.

"It's poison" you realize that the effects of the truth potion has not yet passed. "If Leo heals me, he'll die"

"Oh my god! Who did it to you?"

You avoid answering. You maybe can't tell them a well structured lie, but you can still prevent from them the pain of knowing that the real personification of their nephew.

Realization sinks in their eyes nevertheless. "Wyatt"

You avoid their eyes. You don't want to see what's inside them, to see the almost everlasting trust gone, because of you. And Wyatt. This was one of the wars you aren't ready to let him win.

"Is there something we can do?" phoebe asks, her hand gentle on your heart. You wish there was something, but there is only one who can undo the poison, and that's Wyatt. The old one. The baby version of his won't be affected from the devastating effects of the poison, but it will drain him nearly all his powers only to make you feel slightly better. And if there will be an attack, he won't have his shield up. You can't risk that.

But you don't have control on your mouth anymore. You suddenly realize that you have just said what you thought out loud. And knowing them and their stubbornness, they will be willing to take the chance. They always thought that happy endings exist. You, too, have heard so many stories in your life about good versus evil. And somehow, it always wins. In reality, however, the same logic simply doesn't work.

Try living in the future for a while; see what that does to your optimism.

"I'll go and bring Wyatt" mom says, but before she moves, he orbs to her arms. He could always do it, even when he was older. Well, not to her arms, obviously, but he could sense when he was needed, and came immediately, no matter where he was. He answered the quickest while in school.

They put Wyatt on you and you feel a wave of warmness, soothing your body and soul. You are fighting sleep to wash over you again, but you feel so good that it's hard. How can you fight belonging? Why would you want to?

Slowly, your eyes are being shut down, and you stop resisting. You feel refreshed and fueled, but also so tired. The pain is leaving you inch by inch, your body strengths with every passing moment. You feel warm. Safe. Home.

But then all the warmth is being sucked away, and there is only darkness.

It seems a while since the last time you have envisioned hell breaks all loose and merging with the upper world. Now, you see it again. Armies of demons attacking, washing every bare spot with their existence, and you know, you simply know, that you are going to lose. This time, you don't even have the knowledge of the future helping you. This was not supposed to happen.

Yet it does. The reality is harsh, but whatever reason the world has of picking on you and your family, you will not let it. You will not let your family die.

The seventh wheel of eternity started circling as the fires of doom arose from every corner, making the door of the damned to be opened with scorch marks. One by one, as Pandora box is being opened, a wave of demons are resurrected from the underworld for a reason that was better stayed buried within the hearts of the deceivers.

The outer walls of the house shiver, ready to protect their habitants's lives even in the cost of theirs. This isn't a mere battle this time, the clouds whisper to each other as they grow solemn in the sight of the massacre that is about to be held, this is a war.

The earth is shaking furiously, opening its vast pharynx in hunger. It will return to its sleep only once sacrifice will be made.

And while everything is happening, you watch incredulously at what seems to be taken from the Tales of Armageddon, and you simply don't know how you are going to save the world this time.

You see a creature hurrying toward Wyatt in his weakened form after healing you, and even while struggling to get up, you simply can't.

Time freezes and then fastens again as there's nothing you can do. You're helpless, and that weakness cost Wyatt his life. Now you know why he was turned. You.

He's being taken. There's nothing you can do about it.

You lost.

Outraged, your feverish body abandons this earthly plain and forgets the pains and the aches that are all over you, and you run. Wyatt may has been taken, but you won't let your family be killed as well.

You are blinded by tears and you don't see where you need to go. It doesn't matter, from every corner there are demons attacking you, and you fight each of them with equal determination, not ready to lose. You have already lost one thing, you will be damned if you will let the universe win again.

But as it seems, you have no choice. Mom.. Piper . . . is not looking as the blue Garlik demon is ready to hit her with his venom.

Without wasting time, you step in front of her, ready to protect her, with all costs.

A loud gong is heard and the demons disappear. The offering was accepted.

Your life.

Now bitterly, you fall on your knees, ready to your grand end. Death. And you know that you have done the right thing. You are doomed anyway.

It's not as if life would have granted you absolution even if you wanted it, even if you've believed you deserve to be given it. The truth is that so far life introduced you nothing more than a one way ticket to eternal, internal hell. Watching your family being destroyed one time apparently wasn't bad enough, so you were given encore. Not something that you've wanted, but hey, nobody asks you anything nowadays. Nobody asked you if you wanted to die. You couldn't let all your attempts crumble when that demon attacked. They weren't ready to die. Not yet. You were.

Your sight began blurring; erasing from your anguished mind the fractures you've tried to mend before unsuccessfully. You've came back from the future to save the world, in the end all you were doing was to destroy your past. Peachy.

So in the end, you came here not because you thought that the world was a bad place, even though it was. Not because you presumed you could save it. Not even so you could save yourself. You have come here for one purpose only- to fail.

You now know that, really.

You can only hope that in the next cycle, your adult you would realize that sometimes you can't save them all, just yourself. And that sometimes by saving your self, you save them all.

But maybe even that won't happen, you suddenly realize. This time, you will not be born again. Or maybe they had done.. . .it? Maybe. ..

The poison that was always inside you envelops you like a merciful cloud, and as you lose the feeling in your legs, you let yourself be dragged to the darkness.

* * *

--o0o--

* * *


	12. Anger Unleashed

BEFORE NIGHT AWAKENS

**By ****Sickle Sword**

**--o0o**--

Disclaimer: What a surprise, I don't own anything.

A/N: I have a beta!!! I thank from the bottom of my heart to **_AK8_** who kindly agreed to be help me!!!

**denna5** : (giggling stupidly from satisfaction) thank you for your warm review! 

**rafiki** : Maybe I'm going to save him, and maybe I'm not. That would be telling. And Dude wasn't offended. Really, I gave so many clues about who he is, it' a real wonder that no one recognized him yet. Oh, well.. . you soon will.

**Succubus-69**: Don't worry, we all have that unexplained motherly impulse concerning to Chris. He kindda does that to you. Doesn't mean I don't enjoy torturing and killing him, of course, but that's not the point. ; )

_**It should have been me who had told him the truth, even when I didn't know the meaning of the word truth, for I have lived in a lie. I should have held him close to my arms and closer to my arms and even when he chose to go away, I should have followed. It should have been me who died. Not him.**_

* * *

**Chapter 11: Anger Unleashed**

Thought and doubts raced in Piper's head. She didn't know anymore what she is going to do. Her son was gone without a trace, and even with all Phoebe's good will, she wasn't able yet to force a premonition to tell them what happened. Frankly, she felt lost.

Paige came near her, handing her a plate. Urging her to eat. She hadn't eaten since . . . everything that had happened.

She simply couldn't.

"Come on, Piper, you have to eat something" Paige told her so bossily that Piper thought her veins were about to explode.

"No, Paige, I don't HAVE to do anything, Wyatt's gone, remember?" she accused her sister in something that wasn't even Paige's fault. But she didn't care enough to see the hurt glimpse that crossed her sister's face before it was changed to deep understanding. It was worse, the pity. She preferred the anger. It made her feel less exposed.

"We'll fix it. . .somehow." Paige said in fake cheerfulness. It was obvious she didn't believe her own worlds.

"No, we can't. You know that" and with that she turned around and went upstairs, leaving the meal untouched.

Paige followed her with her eyes, worried. She could understand her, honestly. After all, Wyatt was her nephew as well, but she didn't think anger would sort this out. She only hoped she knew what would.

"Any luck yet?" she turned to her other sister, who sat frowning on the uncomfortable floor.

"No" Phoebe admitted her face fallen. She was adamant that she could do it. That she could see to where that creature took Wyatt. So far, no luck.

"Come on, take a break" Paige felt the need to comfort her as well.

"Yeah, soon. How's Piper?"

"Not good. She went upstairs. She's hiding again"

Phoebe only moaned as a response. There wasn't a thing any of them could do. They contacted Leo earlier, but even in his grief he preferred to stay Up There under the excuse he needed to check this with the other Elders. Paige could understand him in some level, it was probably easier to stay away, not to be in the same place that screamed his son's name.

"It's been three days already. She's not eating" Paige returned to the reality. Something has to be done. And quick, or Piper was lost too.

"Yeah, I know. I just don't have idea how to help her, you know?" phoebe cried out, frustrated. Useless. She was absolutely useless. She hated to feel that way.

Paige locked her gaze on the wall behind her, the same wall that witnessed everything, and wished it could speak.

"You miss him, huh?" Phoebe asked her, empathically. She missed Chris too. It's been too hard to watch the vortex being opened in the middle of everything and to see his body floating to it, swallowed by the future. He, too, was gone. True, he had been really annoying in the time he's been there, but he cared about them. He died protecting them. Like the whitelighter he wasn't.

"Both. It's empty without them"

Phoebe nodded and said with a sad smile "who's going to order us to hunt demons now?"

"What's the point to hunt them now?"

"True."

"God, we sound pathetic"

"I know"

There was nothing they could do. And they knew it.

"Come on, take a break. You need it. We both need it" Paige offered and helped her sister up, freeing her aching muscles. "I'll make us a tea"

"Thanks" Phoebe smiled gratefully and got up. She didn't notice before she was so hungry, but now that Paige mentioned that, she was starving. Like agreeing, her stomach protested out loud and Phoebe felt the world blackens for a moment as she regained balance again. Needing support, she leaned on the wall, studying without real interest the carving.

"Is everything ok?" Paige came from the other room, in her hands two steaming cups.

"Yeah. I. . "

**_Flashback_**

_Chris grinned with obvious satisfaction as he stretched his hands, a fireball emitting from his open hand. A young man screamed as the fire hit him._

_There was nothing left of him besides the echo of his screams._

_An ugly looking demon materialized from the thin air, sharing with Chris understanding glare as he shot him with his crossbow._

**_End of flashback_**

" . .That sonofabitch!" Phoebe screamed furiously at the vision she just saw.

"What?" Paige asked her sister, worried that another one went insane, leaving the tea cups secured on the table.

"Chris. He killed an innocent and befriended with the demon who took Wyatt!"

"You're sure?"

"I know what I saw"

Paige was enraged. They trusted that scumbag! They mourned him!

"You think we should tell Piper?" Phoebe asked her, worried.

"Tell her what- that the savior from the future didn't come to save us after all?"

"But that's impossible! Remember, he said that under the influence of a truth spell" Phoebe tried to find reason, her emotions high.

"Maybe they found solution in the future" Paige shrugged, her mind still fuming with anger toward Chris, her sisters, and herself. She was blind. Why hadn't she seen that he was imposter?

"Maybe" phoebe agreed with her, her heart heavy.

"What's all that noise about?" Piper came down, her eyes looking tired and sorrowful.

Nudging her sister, Paige answered quickly, too quickly "Nothing"

Eyeing them suspiciously, Piper didn't buy a word.

Surrendering under the heavy accusation in Piper's glare, Phoebe decided to tell her. There were enough lies being told. "I saw Chris killing an innocent"

"What?!" Piper yelled, her arms moving so frantically that Paige was scared she might blow something up

"Easy there, you don't want to blow us up, do you?" Page told her kindly, securing her hands down.

Piper only shot an angered sight toward her.

"I also saw him with the demon that took Wyatt" Phoebe continued gently, afraid of making Piper mad but more than that, now that a plan was cooked in her mind, she wanted to share her. At last, something to do "I think we should go to the future"

"What?" this time, it was Paige who jumped, unbelieving.

"Maybe Chris would know to where he might take him"

"Chris is DEAD, Phoebs" Piper said softly, her eyes having that watery sight again.

"Only if that what he made us believe" Paige was still angry about him. How could he lie to them?

"You really think so?" Piper stood stiffly, wondering what is has to be done now.

"There is only one way to find out" Phoebe answered enthusiastically.

"Fine. We need a spell" Piper gathered herself and made a mental list of what was needed to be done. "Phoebe, Paige, you work on that. I'll go and find some nice potions for our future boy"

With these words she left.

Shrugging, the remaining sisters went to work on their task.

One hour later, everything was ready. The spell was written and the potions were brewed to perfection, covering any implication they might find.

United, they began chanting

_**Hear me now the sands of time**_

_**Hear these words, Hear the rhyme,**_

_**Heed the hope within my mind,**_

_**Send me to where I'll find, **_

_**What I wish in place and time**_

_**Bring me to where I want to be**_

_**Precede my destiny**_

Stepping to the other side, they let the blueness swallow them.

* * *

--o0o--

* * *


	13. Time's Tine

**BEFORE NIGHT AWAKENS**

**By Sickle Sword**

**--o0o--**

Disclaimer: Please look at the other chapters and tell me who owns Charmed. If you still don't know, please feel free to bang your head on the wall for remembrance purposes and make yourself comfortable with little stars flying around you, courtesy of me. Thank you.

A/N: I'm thrilled to say that this chapter is much longer than my usual ones. But don't scroll down just yet, I have people to thank to!

Succubus-69: Of course Chris isn't evil! I would never torture an evil guy, what' the fun in that? NO, they have to be fragile, helpless and not able to attack you back even from fantasy-land. Unfortunately for Chris, he fits all 3 categories. Of course his actor can come and kill, sue or do something equally liberating to me, but that's hardly the point. Thank you for reviewing! 

denna5 : Fun in the future? You are obviously not in the right TV show. . Though I CAN think of a few guys. .em.. . someones. . .who will have enormous fun having them there. I know I took my sweet time updating but that's only because this chapter is longer. And the fact that life started...

And, as always, I'd like to thank my very dedicated beta- AK8. I couldn't do any of this without you!!!!

_**It should have been me who had told him the truth, even when I didn't know the meaning of the word truth, for I have lived in a lie. I should have held him close to my arms and closer to my arms and even when he chose to go away, I should have followed. It should have been me who died. Not him.**_

* * *

****

**Chapter 12 : Time's Tine**

They passed their way in the blackened vale of sorrows that was once called their home. It was lightless, unsettled and cold. The scattered green candles were the only ones which provided a vague light in the gloomy corridor, only enough to see one step a head, but no more. It was excellent as a hiding place, or as a place to hunt.

Careful not to step on any creaking panels, they pursued downstairs, the place that once consisted their happy pictures. Now, instead, on the hall were hanged pictures of all the deceased members of their family, their faces salient on the hologram of their grave. Each face was darker, angrier and sadder, holding their head high only because they knew that they can't afford weakness. At the end of the long silk-covered corridor, there was a red scarp that guided them to a huge window while in its side were two enormous candles, weeping out loud. The image on the window dazzled them. It was them.

"So we're dead" Paige quipped, not entirely sure how to respond. Sure, she knew that the possibility of being vanquished is possible but somehow it was easier thinking they were invincible, untouched by the force of evil. Obviously, the future told them just how wrong they were.

Oh, right, she suddenly remembered, Chris told them her she had died in this time. This was, however, unwelcome thought.

"Seems like it. Does it say anything about how we died? Phoebe, can you get a premonition?" Piper asked in a guarded voice.

"I don't think we should" Phoebe answered. "It can screw the timeline"

"Now you sound like someone we all know, stop that!" Piper got angry. She knew her sister was right, but to see your own death . . .that was unnerving, to say the least.

Phoebe stayed quiet for a few moments and then "Ssh, listen! There's someone coming"

"Can they see us?" Paige asked, hoping that they are only passengers in time, not interfering but only seeing things. She would hate to get killed in the future presently!

But she only got a shrug as a response. They will just have to hope.

The steps grew louder as a figure came into being. It was she, and she simply stared at them for a minute. Ok, so they're not invisible, Phoebe reasoned. She'd got a good vibes about the woman who came, and an aura of power. She was a witch, like them. What she was doing in their house, it was a mystery yet to be solved.

"He came back, hadn't he?" She asked them, her voice muffled.

"He?" Paige shook her head furiously, not understanding what the girl is talking about.

"Chris. He brought you here. Had he not?" it was obvious the girl needed to believe that now.

"I guess you can say that" Phoebe shot glares at her sisters, shrugging as she saw their apathy toward her answer. Well, it was half the truth. The spell was meant to bring them to Chris, so in a way he brought them here.

"Come on" she ordered and turned to walk away, holding a finger-sized free-shaped metal, that could be only described as a Thing, and pressed it to their picture. Out of nowhere, a vortex was opened and she stepped trough it.

Not yet sure they could trust her but without any real choice, they followed her.

The next sight they had seen was a brick wall covered with languished moss that seemed to lead to absolutely nothing. It was both intriguing and unnerving.

Suddenly, the bricks began to move, creating a living picture, kind of like a mosaic of structures that looked human. It had white curls and piercing eyes, and they just intuitively knew that no matter where will they go to, these eyes will always find them and hunt them down. They heard the sound before the mouth of the figure moved, deafening the fallen leaves of the dying plants.

"Today it is a day for celebration as our prodigal son has returned to the light. This act of goodness inside him brings hope of salvation for the ones who have not yet seen the road that was paved underneath their steps. Tomorrow he will be seen in the main square, you are all welcomed to join the feast and see the justice being done!"

"That was a hell of visual effects!" Paige called out loud, excited. It seems that not everything is so bad in the future after all.

Processing the information they were just given, Piper suddenly understood. "Oh My God! He's alive! Chris is alive!"

"Why of course he is, he came back to Wyatt" the witch told them, dismissing their puzzled expressions. She wanted so much to tell them how it can be. That the poison is given to those at Wyatt's service and that it was designed to guarantee full loyalty of his minion. And that under his protection, no one but him can kill you. At least not permanently. She had full knowledge about it as she, as well as many, was smart enough to believe in rumors.

In the beginning of his takeover, not everyone was happy to answer Wyatt, and some tried to betray him. There were many purifications trails and injustice those days, and many paid the price for others' ignorance. Slowly, the rumors of the poison's toxicity were spread.

Few crawled back a short while after trying mutiny, fawning and pleading for Wyatt to stop the pain, saying it's killing them. He spared many of those who came back and killed them at the spot, preventing further pain. Others were left to die in agony. All according to his mood and the majority of their crime.

Some, the more powerful ones, ran. They thought they could subdue the poison, but none of them made it far away. Either they committed suicide because they couldn't take the pain anymore or the poison reached their brain and wasted them, or they simply starved to death, too weak to go out and find food. There was not even one who managed to survive the poison.

In the end, people became too afraid not to do what they were told, and in more than 5 years, Chris was the first who tried to. She heard many people saying that's why Chris succeeded, because Wyatt wasn't prepared. Other's say his affection toward Chris blinded him until it was too late. Personally, she agreed with the latter. There wasn't a thing Chris would have told Wyatt without being heard. That helped the resistance a lot.

"Came back? But I thought. . ."Phoebe murmured, still not entirely sure she got handle of this whole Wyatt as the bad guy picture. It was hard, and as much it hurt her to admit it, it also pained her that Chris was on his side.

The witch looked both ways in wary and then silenced her "Shush!", her face wearing angry expression. "They can still hear us"

She didn't have to say who is They. This was obvious. Their enemies. Wyatt's people. Inwardly, the witch debated what she should do. Should she bring them to the resistance headquarters? After all, she was one of the founders. With Chris of course. Even with the intensity of the situation, she allowed herself to sink in daydreaming of the past, when there was still hope.

It was only because she was born undetected, that they could pull it off. When Wyatt took over and forced the magical beings to be registered, she didn't have to. That fact helped her a lot because she could walk freely at the streets without being monitored 24/7. One day, one of the transmitters caught her. Then Chris came along and saved her, helping her to find other unregistered witches. He brought Intel and she brought witches, they were a team.

Together, they have built the resistance. To make the future free. And for that, she would always be in his debt.

Shaking herself, she saw that the three witches were staring at her, not sure to which side she belonged. She would have been glad to tell them everything, but life taught her better. And besides, she shrugged, they didn't ask.

"Where are we going to?" Paige asked, still a little ticked as she just saw her grave.

"Away" Susan answered hastily and made a decision. They wouldn't survive here long and she can't bring them back. She should just as well take advantage of the situation and let them help Chris.

Leading them to the exit door, she instructed them harshly "we are going to Wyatt's palace. Avoid making eye contact with strangers, do not attract attention to yourself and whatever you do, avoid with all costs the probes. Flying yellow things that scan you" and to their puzzled face she added "they can kill you"

"Avoiding yellow flying things then" Paige summarized it, feeling the rash of adrenalin in her veins.

"Just a moment" Piper interfered "why are we going there?"

"To help Chris, of course" Susan answered as if the answer was obvious.

"Why would we want to? He lied to us?" Phoebe's words caught the witch by surprise. She thought that. . .damn. This will be harder that way.

"I don't have time to explain everything to you right now" she breathed heavily, preparing herself to the 3 mules. "But we have to get Chris out of Wyatt's way and send him and you back so the future will be better. Believe me, the moment you will step outside, you'll know what I'm talking about. You don't want to be stuck in the future, do you?"

"We don't have what to come back to, whatever your name is!" Piper exclaimed angrily "my son's gone and your lying friend is the only one who knows who took him"

"I'm Susan. And these are more reasons to help me. Are you coming?" she studied their faces, anxious to get this over with.

"You're not surprised that Wyatt was kidnapped. Why?" Phoebe asked slowly as if only now understanding something profound.

"I'll explain when we get there. Fine?" Susan nearly jumped from frustration.

"Only one thing before I'm taking any step further." Piper hardened again, deciding o ask the question that nested in her chest for quite a time now. "Chris and Wyatt are less than on friendly basis. I get that. But how exactly did Chris and. . .Wyatt. .. meet?"

"Meet? That's an interesting way of saying that.. . .I can't exactly tell you. This is Chris's' choice." Susan was amused now. Not every day you meet mother asking how one son of hers met the other one.

"Err! Why doesn't anyone tell us anything about him?"

"Trust me, there are things that are better off not knowing"

"Trust you?! We don't even know you!" Phoebe obviously still had issues of trust.

Susan just shrugged. "So, are you coning?"

With really little choice left. The Charmed Ones followed.

The moment they stepped outside, they understood fully what Susan meant when she said they don't want to live here. There was utter silence, almost deafening in the midair, unnatural. There was no man, woman and living being at sight, and as they kept breathing in fear, they couldn't help but to think of those who couldn't breath anymore, and passed to the world beyond, their minds lamenting for the loss of hope and wonder that once lived here. The whole atmosphere was gray, like taken from an old black and white movie, a fact that strengthened the melancholy. If the Future seemed like an Old movie, is there even hope left for them?

"Oh, god, what happened to this place?" Phoebe cried to the forsaken city's streets.

"Time" Susan whispered, grieving for what had become of her once favorite place.

They kept walking silently, treading mercilessly on the dreams which died, like their owners. Each step getting them closer toward their salvation. Or their end.

Suddenly, Susan stopped. They had reached somewhere, they just weren't sure to where. In fact, in all aspects, this place looked exactly like the last block they passed- the same crumbled unpopulated buildings, the same lifeless neighborhood and the same scent of smoke that they preferred not knowing its origin. Apparently, however, there was difference as Susan whispered to their ears in haste "quickly, do it" as she stepped forward, her eyes sailing fearsomely from them- to unknown ghosts that only she could see.

Looking closer, they were able to identify the difference at last. One of the bricks had darker color, almost black only not quite there, and as they stepped on it and to the one beyond, the buildings disappeared.

It was a matter of seconds before the view had faded to be no more than water marks and instead came to be a wide wooden hall, engraved with metallic- green creatures.

"Come on, hurry" the younger woman pushed them, not letting their minds fully process the wonder that just happened. They could do it later- now, they had a job to do.

As if answering to the unspoken question marks which flew in the air, Susan whispered while encouraging them to move faster "Once the palace was outside but too many tried to assassin Wyatt, so he moved it to somewhere safer. Here. Sure, he could handle them, but it was unnecessary nuisance. And anyway, that way he doesn't have to think about how his place will look from the outside as for you are now IN it"

"Are you sure it's not a trap?" Paige walked carefully "there are no guards"

"There's no need for guarding, only few know about this place. Wyatt feels safe here, that was all the point"

"YOU know about this place" Piper said almost accusingly

"Yeah well" Susan shrugged uncaringly and continued with her half- walk- half- run pace. It was obvious she knew more than she let on, they just couldn't decide if these were things they needed or wanted to know.

Reaching to an open door, they saw two young men standing; one about to attack while the other was preparing to defend his life. One had soft blond curls and shady hands, the other owned black hair and piercing green eyes. One was foreign, the other acquaintance. One alive while the other came back from the dead. Two strangers in their own way. Enemies. Friends. Fighting.

Death.

One will kill the other.

"Who is battling Chris?" Phoebe whispered to Susan, pointing the fair-haired man who opposed their ex- whitelighter.

Dryly, Susan whispered back, summoning her will power to prevent the emotion from creeping on her face, showing that she cared about the both men. "Wyatt. This is Wyatt"

"But. . " Piper felt her mouth getting dry, fighting for words to come " .. he's fighting. . .Hands! What wrong with his hands?"

Dropping her gaze from the fuming mother to Wyatt's semitransparent hands, Susan took a deep breathe and said "The demon who took him nurtured from power. Once his force field's energy was gone, the demon consumed the energy of his hands as well. It is only now, when he is in his utmost power, that he is able to have the amount of energy that would be enough for his arms to be this visible. This is why he chases power. He thinks that if he concurs the world and have its power, his arms will be restored"

Despite the fact that this was the longest speech that Susan has yet spoken, this hasn't comforted them at all. They didn't know how long it would take the shield to hold, and right now they were stuck in the future without real means to come back and to save him.

Gathering the last shreds of her strength, Piper walked to the excuse that was once her son and whom she still loves so much that it hurts, and as she heard the echoes of her own steps on the wooden floor fading, she hoped the echoes of her dreams wouldn't disappear that easily.

* * *

--o0o--

* * *


	14. Last Shreds Of Sunshine

**BEFORE NIGHT AWAKENS**

**By Sickle Sword**

**--o0o--**

Disclaimer: Don't you give me that look. I never said I own them!

A/N: Here you go, another chapter! I finally arranged things in the chaos that is called my head and was amazed to discover that there are only 2 more chapters to go! I've never believed I would reach that far!

Nemesis' Arrow: thank you for your support. I have read your fanfic but refused to allowed me review. Go figure. I have to disagree with you- I am NOT a better writer than you. Just a way crazier one. . . .

denna5 : Chris is coming back this chapter. Yohoo! I hope you will enjoy this chapter too!

_**It should have been me who had told him the truth, even when I didn't know the meaning of the word truth, for I have lived in a lie. I should have held him close to my arms and closer to my arms and even when he chose to go away, I should have followed. It should have been me who died. Not him.**_

_****_

* * *

**Chapter 13: Last Shreds Of Sunshine**

From the moment you are awakened to the world of living, you know that you have failed. The future stayed just the same, only you died, and Wyatt had to resurrect you.

You are only given little time to gather your breath when he comes to question you, demanding answers you can not give. That you will not give. You swore.

So now you are forced once again to see him angry, eyes fuming like about to explode and head bent in a dangerous position. He's not happy with you.

Yeah, well, you mentally shrug, it's not like you expected otherwise.

"Why wouldn't I kill you on the spot, Chrissy?" you hear your worst nightmare taunting you. Chrissy. You struggle not to get angry. You hate that nickname.You really do.

But there are worse names. You were called many of those in your life- good, bad, witch, whitelighter, family, stranger. Every one of those names which are engraved on your soul were used by the people whom opinion you hold dear, your parents.Every time the hatred words trickled into the fragile armor you've fought so hard to build, you swore you would never let yourself get hurt again. Every time you forsaken your vow, giving another part from your soul to the devil, the same devil your family thought you were. You've spent your entire life fighting for their approval, so you are too tired now to fight for your dreams.

And now, you are too tired again. You don't have power anymore for his games. You don't want to fight him any longer. You only want to be left alone for awhile, collect the shreds of your life before you will figure how to fix them, and how did they become broken in the first place. So you tell him the truth. "Because you don't want to kill me" you see him flinch and continue, can't force your voice to sound victorious or arrogant, anything but tired. "Because I don't want to die. And because you can't".

Here, you have crossed the line, broken the sacred unspoken promise about what shouldn't have been mentioned.

You still remember that day, like it was yesterday. How cliché is that?

It was when you first joined him, grateful that he saved you from being taken by the angel of death in the explosion that took the rest of your family away. At the beginning you chose to close your eyes but in time, in time you were wiser. You were enlightened, in lack of other phrase. For it had nothing to do with light. You rebelled against your brother then, demanding explanation in front of his minions. He was so angry that you thought he would kill you at the spot. Only he didn't.

Not that he didn't hurt you. You have suffered greatly for your insolence, you still have the burning scars, as well as the mental ones. But you were off lightly. It could have cost your life. Many others paid that price, and the only difference between you and them was that something inside your brother's heart pitied you.

You chose to take the truth somewhere else, though. Making it as if he COULD'T kill you. It sounded more glamorous than being simply saved by the tyrant's sudden goodness.

And it can help you now.

You wait for your brother's anger to rise, to finish what he had started. And you keep waiting, embracing the inevitable only to find out it doesn't. He doesn't do it. He comes closer to you, your eyes meet his, and you see an almost human expression crossing his face. Before it is gone. There is only coldness there now, and the eyes of a stranger.

"Is that what you think happened, Christopher? That I COULDN'T kill you because my power wasn't up to yours?" he devilishly snarls, gritting his teeth like an ambushed animal in the middle of the hunt. As soon he says that, you're sorry you have spoken. However, you also aren't. You have planted inside your worst enemy the seed of the doubt. You know your brother well by now, he will not kill you unless in competition after you declared him as weak. He will do all that in his power to change your perspective, to make you understand that he is the most powerful being upon earth, and you are no one. Easy to be squashed.

You have an advantage on him. He will try with all his might to prove you something you already know as true. Only, he will never get that out from you as long as you live.

If he's meant to kill you, he will do it. It is easier to die in the hands of your worst enemy than by a random demon. It's comforting somehow, because then there is a meaning to your death. It's cleaner too.

You are getting ready for him to strike. Your body is locked in a long formed defensive mechanism. You only wish your voice to go away. You don't want to scream. You will not give him that satisfaction. Some said that your stubbornness will kill you someday. Maybe. You only wish today isn't it. You wait for the pain.

It doesn't come.

You glare in wonder at his frozen face and turn just in time to see your mother stand there, her pregnancy with you still concealed, but you know, or hope, it's there. He knows it too.

You consider for a moment if the fact that they are here is making the situation more strange than it already is, or more dangerous. For either of you's.

Then you stop thinking. It really doesn't matter. They are here now and that's a fact. You'll just have to deal with it and survive. Like you always had. You only have to make sure the three of them will be alive when coming back to their time. Preferably, without a clue of who you are. You don't need them to mourn too much about you if something happens, and you always have to be ready for something to occur. They have to be strong for Wyatt. So he won't become the same monster your time conceived.

"Hello, Mother" he says coldly, his figure radiating self control and heart of ice.

"Mother? " you see her pale for a moment, refusing to believe her innocent son had changed so much yet it is as if she were ready for it, as if she already knew.

"Piper" you hurry to introduce her before something bad will happen. You don't know why and what. You simply know that if you don't step in, something nasty will happen. "Meet Wyatt"

They both understand. Piper repeats Wyatt's name over and over like if she says it enough times, he will return to be her baby- innocent and sweet.

Your brother always had a sharp mind. He knows she doesn't know and that you don't want her to know, timeline consequence and crap. From the way his head turns, you realize he will make the most from the situation. If by not knowing the truth she sacrifices one son to save the other, he will take advantage of that. If she chooses to fight both, she won't have a chance.

"Why are you fighting?" she is crying now, and though her tears are stinging your gut, you know you have no choice but to harden your heart and to see her as the same stranger she were in the past months. And though it eats you like acid, you know the only way to numb the pain is to contrast it- base. Apathy. This is the only way for you.

"Go away, Piper. You can't understand" you cry out to her figure, your mind wanting her to go away, not to witness the slaughter. And your failure. "Return to your time. Save Wyatt" and you don't even know if that is what you really want to do, or if that's your testament. Your last will.

"Save me?" Wyatt looks amused. You know what he finds funny. That you still haven't grown up. That you are still caught in the whole saving him scenarios. He thought time would mature you. You know nothing can, you are his younger brother, after all.

You see his face hardening, steel is being molded to his eyes as he locks them in yours so you can see the brutality and hunger in them. The animal hunger for human flesh. Yours.

Knowing your mother's stubbornness, hell, you inherited it; you know there isn't a damn thing you can do to make her go away.

"Come on, Wyatt, let's get this over with" you tell him in an almost triumphal manner, knowing that at least your time of death will be set in your terms, and brace yourself for the strike that will soon come and relieve you from the need to save him.

Then there is a loud noise. And after that- quiet.

* * *

--o0o—

* * *


	15. Apologue

**BEFORE NIGHT AWAKENS **

**By Sickle Sword **

**--o0o--**

Disclaimer: I don't own Chris, Wyatt, Charmed etc. I DO own, however, the ideas in this fic and the random characters that appear every once in a while. So if the WB producers can live with that, so can I. Barely.

A/N: Thank you to all my faithful readers! I would have never made it this far without you!  
  
denna5: Here's another chapter! A huge thank you for all your support in the whole story, you will never know how much your encouragement meant to me. And I meant what I said in the A/N, without your reviews, I would have stopped ages ago. So again, THANK YOU!

Nemesis' Arrow: I hope that you will like this chapter as well, though I admit it's a bit. . .weird. Anyway, I really wanted to say thanks for everything, the encouragement and the good criticism that made me want to keep writing and get better. And from one disturbed writer to another- don't sell yourself short too. The fact that you're writing says a lot of good things about you and your writing style. I'm following your stories with short breath (though from unknown reason fanfiction refuses to let me review...) and like them very much!

I would also like to thank **Succubus-69, tickled pink :) , rafiki, deranged black kitten of doom, paige fan, vintagegirl, Aine , Queen Isa, Tami, Slain**, and of course, to my ever- dedicated Beta Reader **AK8** that had to go through my mistakes and fix them, yet didn't complain and made me smile with her kind words. You're the best!

**_It should have been me who had told him the truth, even when I didn't know the meaning of the word truth, for I have lived in a lie. I should have held him close to my arms and closer to my arms and even when he chose to go away, I should have followed. It should have been me who died. Not him._**

* * *

  
**Chapter 15: Apologue**

  
  
Then there is a loud noise. And after that- quiet.  
  
You see something floating towards you and your brother, its light blinding you. But it's not the pure aura that you were unfortunate to envision so many times that emits from it. It is gray. Tainted. It's coming closer to you and you come to realize who it was.  
  
Adam.  
  
You thought Wyatt killed him, and you mourned him. Despite of everything that had happened, it took you awhile to get over his death. After all, he was your brother. Like it or not, he was there for you in the past. And somehow, that once lost brother has now come back from the dead. Back to you.  
  
"Hello, brother" you hear Wyatt's greeting and even while hearing that non-caring, almost impassive, words that he speaks, you know he is terrified. Just like you. Even more, in fact. After all, he was the one who had killed his own brother.  
  
"I have come to reclaim what is mine" you hear Adam's whispering. He doesn't have to scream, you are sure his voice is heard even in he farthest corner of this giant room.  
  
"I am ready for you" Wyatt steps forward. You wish to disappear. Not to see your brothers killing each other. Again.  
  
"This is not your fight, Wyatt. Stay out of it" Adam smiles toward you. Your stomach turns upside down when it understands before your mind what he's saying. It can't be that he's talking about . . . you . . . right??  
  
But apparently, this is exactly what he means and blue light surrounds you both. The same bubble that protected Wyatt before it was gone together with his innocence. This time, however, it isn't protecting you. You are trapped in it, with him.  
  
"Wait, I don't understand!" you try to see reason where there is obviously none. You don't want to fight him. You don't want him to fight you. Whoever wins, you will lose anyway.  
  
"You are right" you are amazed to see that he's lowering his head in acknowledgment. Hope rises in your chest. Maybe he wouldn't fight with you after all? 

But he continues speaking, crashing your new born hope. "You deserve an explanation.  
When we were first foreseen brought into the world, there was chaos. How can it be, the Lady of the Four Wings asked the creator, that the new generation of The Charmed Ones, will be like that?  
We were identical in everything to The Old Charmed Ones. There were three of us, the oldest was the strongest, the middle was the mediator and the youngest, me, had the weirdest powers. Not necessarily the weakest, just, not your conventional ones. But with us, something was screwed right from the beginning. To explain it, it would take some time.  
  
Hush now and listen, for the knowledge of the Gods is about to be spread.  
  
In the era of the Bronze, we first came into the consciousness mind. Men created totems to worship the gods above, and the gods made the totems alive. It was that time when the first Tigris and Hoopoe came into being, just a fictional creation of your resident dreamer. Once they understood the potential, more and more clays were spoiled in that manner till unseen monsters were created. Then, the gods made it stop. Outraged, the humans declared a war. Not the smartest thing to do when you face the ultimate power. Only, the gods weren't the ultimate power. To defeat the man they created, they needed a truce. One that could not be made.  
  
I am coming to the point soon, please stop shifting uncomfortably. It's annoying.  
  
Where was I? Oh, yeah, the times of The Great War. Men battled earth, moon fought men and in the midst of everything, there was silence. Higher force decided, quite wisely if I may, that it must come to an end. So, the power was taken from the unworthy. It was the instant that the war ended, that we were foreseen. A being so powerful who will challenge the gods when the time is right.  
The time passed and the land slept for 5 millennia, give or take a few centuries. During that healing time, the breed of man prospered beyond recognition. What stayed, however, were the powers involved. They knew that our time would soon be, so they prepared themselves, and the world. Bit by bit, every Warren became stronger to show the world the potential of what might be. The Charmed ones? Only a glimpse of what WE could have done if we were together.

Yes, we've failed to do what we were meant to do- to liberate the man from the hold of the gods. Or maybe that wasn't what we were destined to do in the first place, and that was only a wishful thinking from the prophet's lips. Anyhow, in the prophecy there was only one being. You thought it was Wyatt, I thought it was Wyatt, and so did the rest of the world. Wyatt, as I came to realize, is a very powerful human being. But he was never the most powerful. You see, when a power so great is coming into the equation, there have to be powers to balance it. And as the one being was separated to 3 shreds, connected to the soul, something happened. Now, there were three. The one who answers the lure of evil, the one who will never adrift from the right path, and the follower. Balance"  
  
"Wyatt was . . . the follower" you whisper with horror, refusing to realize what it fully means, what it means about you. No! It can't be right!  
Only, your heart already knows that it is.  
  
Then Adam is looking at you with the same piercing glare that he used when you were kids, and you struggled with your entire entity to escape from it. You don't want to hear the rest of his words. Sure, it always bothered you that you were weaker than your brothers. Yet you fear the secret Adam can tell you about yourself. Why? Because then you might realize you have lived in another lie. And frankly, living within so many lies can twist the way you see the world. And you fear, no, you're . . .simply not sure, that if another thing is proven wrong, when you see the truth next time, you will believe it.  
  
"Yes" Adam is smiling smugly. But that's not the only thing that radiates from him, there's also. . sadness? "And I, I was destined to evil.  
It's alright, I came to accept it. It is who I am. I've fought with all I had from being evil. Even when the powers inside me proved me that I can't be good, I was never meant to be good, I still struggled. In the end, I understood I can't fight it anymore.  
As have you.  
I have watched from above when I was still. . .too attached to understand. And I saw your struggle to become someone you were not. To be me. But you couldn't. For you could do many things, but you couldn't turn down your heritage. In this case, you have no free will. As I never had. Easier to blame fate? Maybe. But that's all I have to explain my situation. And yours. You know it."  
  
"So if Chris was . . the good one. ..and you were . not. Why am I who I am?" Wyatt's voice is penetrating through the blueness, perforating your soul. You can feel his anger toward the injustice of everything. He thought he was the wheel that the events circled when that was never true. He is trapped in the same situation you are, only, you realize, he's not used to being smacked out of balance. You are.  
  
"I'm afraid that you are not going to like the answer for this one" Adam continued with the same mystical, highly irritating voice, ignoring the rest of the world. You hear Wyatt whispering with scorn 'I'll like it lesser than what you already told me?' and you frown. You are sure you are not going to like it either."Well, Wyatt, you, just like Chris and I, were never given a fair chance. You absorb emotions and ideas from your surrounding, us. I was the more dominated one, therefore, you were at my side"  
  
"But then you died. I wasn't under your control anymore. And Chris went back. Neither of you were there to 'manipulate' me anymore. Yet I stayed the same. "  
Wyatt nearly whines and you feel sorry for him. You really do. And you love him even more than before. Because he was always, just like you, no one. And while you had most of your life to come to that conclusion, he only had 5 seconds. It does a lot of bad things to your self esteem.  
  
"Because, Wyatt, the bond between us is not meant to be broken by space and time. I floated around, unknowingly tainting you and possessing you to your dark side, Chris was never nurtured to become great, his powers were only defensive. So, he was less powerful, less influencing, than me"  
  
"Hey, I'm still here, you know" you shout, needing them to stop talking about you like you are an outsider, analyzing your life cruelly, cutting everything you knew in big chunks. So what- you start processing the knowledge- you are also powerful? Can Wyatt be someday free from both your influence? And if all of that was destined, can you even change it? And then fear controls you- when Adam finishes talking- will you still be here?  
  
"Yes, Chris, you are powerful. Yet you could always change the past, it wasn't written that the world will be the way it was, only that there will be a war. Too apocalyptic, perhaps, but that's the way things are. The absolute war between good and evil- whoever wins, wins. And after that, we won't influence Wyatt anymore. Ever."  
  
You look at your brother, and you know he's telling the truth. A survival instinct awakens inside you as you look at his stony face and feel the same compassion you have felt toward him and his blindness your entire life. He only saw darkness. You also saw love. And he was right, despite all those 'free will' clich?'s something was always wrong here. You always felt you were never the captain over your life. They simply happened, washing you along with them, and you followed. It always swept you to unexpected shores. .  
. . really?  
  
But it's not of importance now. Now, you have to take responsibility, no more cowering, you can't fail yourself one more time. Only one will survive in this, you know it. You only don't know who you want to survive. And from which reasons.  
  
He's standing directly in front of you, fire blazing in his hand. He's about to throw it at you.  
  
In a slow motion, you duck and miss it by inches. Pff, you were lucky. This time.  
  
You try to think about what to do now when something is materializing in your hand. A box. Opening it, there are exploding potions inside.  
Cool.  
  
You throw them at your brother, fine, so your aim isn't that great, but you succeed blowing the knife he sent. So what if it's not his head, it was effective nevertheless.  
You picture something falling on him when in the next moment a refrigerator falls over him.  
Where the hell did THAT power come from? If it wasn't a war, you would be all over the floor now, smeared and hiccupping from laugher. But you can't do it now. You have to stay focused.  
  
You don't know what is worse- that you are actually trying to kill your brother, or the fact that you're starting to think about him less than a brother, and more like an enemy. You need to eliminate him, for your survival.  
  
He gets up and the refrigerator vanishes. You should have known it wouldn't take him a lot of time to gain clarity again. He smiles devilishly at you and something green is blazing toward you. You have no idea what it does, but something is telling you that you really don't want to find out.  
  
You moved too slowly, it hits you. You feel pain spreading over your entire body, paralyzing you. Ok, so now you know what it does. You have to avoid it. It hurts too much.  
There's another green thing flaring in his hand. Desperate to make it disappear, you throw something brown of your own. A ray of earth, your mind mocks. No, you don't have a clue what it is and how you summoned it, but it seems to do the trick as Adam doubles down, panting, a bush replacing his hair.  
  
You let yourself a moment of feeling human again as you pause to see if he's alright. Big mistake. That green thing hits you again, and this time it's making everything inside you freeze, unable to breathe for a moment, your lungs burning from absence of air.  
  
He takes advantage of your temporary paralysis and sends fire toward you. It's getting closer. You don't know anymore if you want it to hit you or not, only to make the pain stop. You close your eyes, preparing yourself for another jolt of pain.  
  
It doesn't come.  
  
You open your eyes and see that the fire melted into the air. Adam looks at you approvingly. He's toying with you, you realize. He has so many more powers, he's simply trying to make you feel like you fought.  
  
But he said that you were powerful too, didn't he?  
  
This time when the fireball hits, you force yourself not to even flinch but imagine that you are frozen. Okkkey, too much frozen. On the upside- you don't feel the flame.  
  
Something inside you awakens as you start to get angry. He's your brother, yes, but he's trying to kill you. You can feel that he's starting to get serious. That's not very brotherly like behavior. You call greater powers and feel yourself being filled with energy. Something has to be done, or you'll die.  
  
Soon.  
  
This time, it is you who steps closer, freezing whatever he throws at you. And you blow it up. You know these are mom's powers and you don't hesitate this time to inspect them or to ask why they are here. You are only grateful that they came.  
  
Adam snarls and lifts his arms in the air. You feel . .. shattered. There's no other way to describe it. Like you are made from thousands of ice chips that are now crumbling and tearing your veins.  
The pain is unimaginable.  
  
Feverishly, you call whatever force for help. The wind comes. You let it.  
  
A horrible hurricane is dancing between the two of you and for a split of a moment you let yourself drift away to remember that when you wanted, the nature heard your call. You start to believe that maybe you had strong powers all this time.  
And you start to realize that it will take more than being a believer to survive this time.  
  
The floor is opened beneath his legs but he's fast enough to drift and sends you a little gift of a horror raven lament, unearthly tearing you from the inside.  
  
The level of the game has just been increased.  
  
You fight each other in what seems to be hours. You unleash elements as he calls upon the powers of the world underneath. He turns your hand into a skeleton and the wind is waving his hand away. You call Poseidon. He calls Hades.  
  
You both are tired. You both are exhausted. You both are dying to end it, to have someone die. The crowd that in the beginning was astonished that you held against Adam so long, no longer cares. If you could, you would have offered a standoff. But you know better than that. He won't agree. You won't agree. Yes, you are no longer ashamed to admit, you want to win.  
  
Without even thinking, you throw a fireball at your enemy. You ran out of tricks.  
  
"No! This can't be!" he stares at you, mouth hanging open. The air of calmness and tranquility finally going away. Good. This whole façade was really starting to get on your nerves.  
  
"Why not?" you step closer, your mind blank as you throw poisoned arrows and black fireballs toward him. You just found out how to win. "Because I'm good?" you throw another fireball to emphasize, nearly hitting him. Not really knowing where your mind leading you, you simply talk. To hear you own voice, to hear that you are still alive, and because something inside you tells you that you should listen yourself too. That this is the only way to survive. "This is where you've got it all wrong. I nearly believed everything that you told me. Everything was finally making sense. Only one thing got me thinking." Whoa! You Lecture? You never LECTURE! Apparently when you are in dire need, you do.  
"You said that I can't stray from the right way. Only, I already had. I killed an innocent in bargain to save Wyatt's life. And I've killed many more, Adam. With full awareness of what I'm doing. "  
  
"No! You're lying!" he screams again, anguished. You know how much this whole good versus evil scenario meant for him, and how much it will be painful to break that belief. He struggles to get up and is choking you, desperate to shut you up. But you have changed and discovered so many things about you in the last hours, so many more powers. One of them was blocking his.  
He knew to where you were coming- war.  
  
"Yes" you smile tenderly. Not nice of you. So what? You've never said you were a saint. "We are masters for our own choices. We always were. And duh, this is easier blaming fate for that one, but it will be way too low. I could never understand Wyatt's reasons of becoming him, but I will never blame fate for that. This won't be right. And you, you were born blind, Adam. For more than one reason" you hold him telekinetically, forcing him to hear you. Just like you heard him before. He's struggling, but you are stronger. He will be a believer in the end. Just like you believed his lies earlier. "You may say it's because you were meant to face darkness. I say it's because it taught you to sympathize with the weak. But in the end- does it even matter why? Stop finding reasons in everything, Adam, I stopped.  
Not everything happens from a reason"  
  
"No" he's whispering, his feet buckling as he is now down on his knees. He's not fighting you anymore and you lower him gently on the ground. He doesn't even seem to realize. In fact, maybe he never felt it in the first place, you never knew what it was like being him. He lifts his head proudly as his empty eyes are burning into yours. You feel sorry for him, you really do. You can feel his pain almost as if it was yours. You step closer, putting a protective hand on his shoulder. He maybe did some wrongs, and it might be a little hard for you to forgive, but he's human. He's allowed to make mistakes. And frankly, not everything in this world is about him or you. Sometimes things simply happen. You can accept it, now.  
You've come a long way.  
  
You step away from him and instinctively turn away to see your mother crying. Wondering why she's crying this time, you don't have to guess long. You see something red on your fingers.  
Blood.  
Shit.  
  
The bastard stabbed you when you came closer. So how come you don't feel the pain . ..aw! You were wrong, you can feel it very lively, thank you. You really preferred it earlier when it was painless.

You look straight into the abyss that is your brothers' eyes and meet with a surprise. He senses that something is wrong. He didn't mean to stab you!  
  
"That's ok, Adam" you try to soothe him. Hell, you're trying to soothe yourself. He's a good person, honestly. After all, he's your brother. But being blind gave him a hell of intuition. Really. You're not sure you would have known that you stabbed your brother accidentally with your eyes closed. . .awww. So not going there.  
Everything is burning. Kind of like the last time you died, only now EVERYTHING hurts.  
Damn. Who knew eyelashes can feel pain? Who wanted to know?  
  
You open your eyes just in time to see the blue curtain falling down as Wyatt staggers rage filled toward Adam. Somehow, you can see what is going to happen. Not good. 'No, Wyatt, don't do it!' you try to force your mind saying those words but you feel too heavy to do anything about it. And tired. Really tired.  
  
You are too late, anyway. Adam goes down as well as the world just lost another person. Way to go, Wyatt.  
Thinking about it all over again, you guess that it's better that way. Maybe this is how things were supposed to be. Finally Wyatt will be able to make the world a better place without any of you manipulating his brain.  
He is going to be a hell of a leader. How do you know it? A hunch.  
And belief. After all, if you hadn't thought there was good inside him, you would have never gone back to save him.  
Pity that you didn't know that all this time the only person he needed to be saved from –was you. If you were stronger, he would have been in the side of light.  
  
Mother is coming closer to you, holding her hand in yours. Just like you did when she died in your arms when you couldn't save her. Just like she can't save you now. You wonder if she knows that, and if someone out there appreciates the heavy irony.  
You try to smile at her. . .ok, wrong idea. Smiling hurts. Badly. Come to think about it, breathing hurts too. Everything is on fire right now.  
  
"Mom" you whisper. You don't want to die alone. There's no point anymore keeping it a secret. You hope she heard you. You don't think you can force enough air to your lungs to say it again. But she heard. It's fine. Everything is going to be fine now.  
  
"No" she's crying desperately. She's in denial. Just learnt that you're her son and everything. Not to mention that she has another son. And he's dying too. God, you hate the word NO. It's so pessimistic. Making you feel like the world is coming to its end. When in fact, everything is going to be alright. Here, nearly all the pain has already left you.  
This time, you don't think you will have second chances.  
You just know so.  
  
Hey Adam, what are you doing, standing there in the midair and waving like a maniac. Hey, wait up!  
  
You are coming too.

You look at the final time backward to those who will have to handle your absence and you don't feel a thing. You've done what you came to do, now it's up to them making you a future.  
  
You hold Adam's hand and together, as brothers at last, you step to the world beyond.

* * *

_That's it, folks! I am thrilled to say that this IS the last chapter. There will be no miraculous resurrections and the world will not all of a sudden be a better place. I know that some answers stayed unanswered but that's in my opinion all the beauty of imagination. I also know that you might be upset with the way I've chose to end it, but this is my version of things and in my opinion, the ultimate battle between Chris and Adam was unavoidable and the only way the future would be changed will be when the Charmed Ones see for themselves the future, and lose in the process all their children (Wyatt will stay bad, it's. . hmm.. an habit. You try breaking a lifetime habit and tell me it's easy.  
A hell of motivation, you've got to admit.  
  
But hold tight! I may be tempted to do an epilogue, so keep checking for updates and avoid killing me!  
_

  
--o0o—

* * *


	16. Epilogue

**BEFORE NIGHT AWAKENS**

**By Sickle Sword**

**--o0o--**

That's it. This is the final chapter. I thank you all for being so supportive; I'll miss your reviews and writing this story. I dedicate the epilogue to AK8, I don't know what I've done to deserve such a beta, but whatever it is, I thank the universe for that.  
So here it is. Goodbye.

* * *

**Epilogue**

They checked it soon aftter. Apparently Adam was right. Wyatt was The Twice Blessed, but also very influenced by his brothers. It was found in an old scroll of legends that simply lay there all these years, waiting for them. They never thought of looking in it about Wyatt before. Piper guessed Adam was her awakening call.  
  
But he was gone now. As was Chris.  
  
Both her sons were gone.  
  
Piper still had problems adjusting to the fact that Chris was her son, only to lose him a few seconds after. She understood why he didn't tell them his true identity, even if she didn't like it. He was afraid that if they had known, they would have taken their mind off Wyatt and for once, think about him. And he was right. If he had told them, she had no shame admitting, this was exactly what she would have done. Because how can you make your child understand that his life matters as well, not just his brother's?  
How can you say Goodbye to your son when every bone in your body is screaming that you are too late? That it's not fair. You weren't given enough time to cope.  
  
The last words she told him were that she hadn't believed him. That he wasn't her son. That was unforgettable for a human being. Unforgivable for a mother. This is even more repulsing thinking that her son came back to save her, together with everyone else that mattered, only to end up dead himself. She was a horrible mother. And apparently, time didn't make her an expert.  
  
And now, going over his things for the last time, pushing them to locked boxes to a place that can't fade his memory but can soften the pain, she said a final goodbye. To her angel. She looked at the naked room, seeking for lonely last objects when her gaze fell on a closed book. Intrigued, she opened it to find his handwriting. Only the first page was full of words.  
This was all the time that he was given.

**_"I've found a picture today, and a message. From mom. I know what it is that I have to do, only, I'm too afraid to do it. There are too many risks coming back from the future, too many things can go wrong. But when one's nightmares are already the reality, there isn't any other way.  
  
Sometimes I think how strong mom must have been, knowing all along what the future holds. So many times I've seen her crying in her bed or have seen the curtain of tears covering her eyes when looking at me, and only now I can understand. If only she had told me sooner.  
I might have understood my life then. Why while I was ready to kill demons to protect my family they never fought to vanquish the demons in my soul. They never fought to save me from my destiny, the same one that was stoned in their faces every time they looked at me, the same unknown wrong I was meant to fix even as a child. But they never told me how I could do it, they never guided me. Now I know why.  
It was Wyatt. It was always about him, and even now, he's the only thing that matters. Because then, then I, as well the world, will be given a second chance in life. Living freely. I know that the task may claim my life. But it's fine. It really is. Sometimes it scares me. At other times, I'm simply too tired from fighting to fight my emotions as well. I'm too tired now from fighting the guilt._**

**_I should have saved Wyatt while he was younger. It should have been me who had told him the truth, even when I didn't know what the meaning of the truth was, for I have lived in lie. I should have held him close in my arms and closer to my heart and even when he chose to go away, I should have followed. It should have been me who died. Not him.  
  
And only if I make the wrong right again, maybe then I will be able finally to sleep."  
_**

"What's wrong?" she heard Phoebe's voice through the mask of tears. Her voice betraying her, she simply gave her both incoming sisters the book.  
Face becoming white and her eyes red from unshed tears, she saw their faces losing their color as well, and she mourned.  
  
"_'It should have been me who died. Not him'?_ Died?" Paige asked, her words sounding too loud in the background of silence "I thought Wyatt was a living tyrant. I mean, we saw him."  
  
"His spirit died" Leo whispered, still coming to terms with the double loss.  
  
Hysterically all of a sudden, Piper rose from her seat, her hands loosening frantically the duct tape that bonded the package. The three exchanged worried looks.  
  
"Eeeh. . .honey?" Leo tried to reach her shoulders, to calm her, only to be rejected by a violent shrug.  
  
Phoebe began dancing on the floor from excitement. Sometimes being an empath sucked.  
  
Finally satisfied, Piper took out another worn book, an album. Opening it, her breath froze. Chris was staring at her from every picture. Her family was there.  
They were either staring at her from the attic, or Chris, Wyatt and Adam were smiling at her grieving face with the eternity youth smile of theirs, and she knew they will stay the same way, young. And it ached her so much that she nearly doubled over in pain. But she held herself tight, this was, after all, an album of joy. It was taken when they were happy. And this was the way she wanted them to remain, happy.  
Flipping the pages, she felt warm tears trickling down the pictures, saying a silent Thank You for the one who magically protected her precious treasure from wetness.  
  
There were many pages. Through the years, she saw that they were no longer staring, no longer smiling as a complete family, and the air grew heavier. Then the last picture came. There was no more.  
  
It was a worn out picture, an obviously recent one with her standing near adult Chris, her hands resting on Leo's shoulders, near her sisters, her other hand holding tightly baby Wyatt. They looked like a family.  
  
Then it hit her. She saved the picture all those years. She knew all along, just like Chris wrote. She expected it to happen. Chris couldn't make the future better. He was destined to fail. Turning the picture, she found a writing that only one could write, her.  
  
**_Hear these words,  
Hear the rhyme,  
Heed the hope within my mind,  
Send me back to where I'll find, What I wish in place and time  
  
Save Wyatt._**  
  
That was similar to the spell they wrote when they came back to see him die. Along the years they probably simply forgot a few lines.  
  
Melancholic, her tears mingling with the make up, making it hard to see, she erased the red gleaming words. She didn't know for which Chris she was crying- the one whose destiny is already out of her hands, or the other one, whose destiny is already sealed, to return in time over and over again. Only to lose. She hesitated for a moment and then wrote instead- SAVE YOURSELF.  
  
If she had looked back, she would have seen the words glittering for a minute before fading, the old writing appearing again. The angel of destiny had won.  
  
It always does.  
  
But she had already closed the photo album for what would be the last time, sealing the world's fate before looking at Wyatt's empty crib. Then she got up and walked through the door decisively as she felt the familiar motherly wrath increasing in her breast. She was going to save Wyatt and her family.  
  
This time, she was going to win.

¸..• ´¨¨)) -:¦:-  
¸.•´ •´¨¨))  
((¸¸.•´ ..•´ -:¦:-THE END-:¦:-  
-:¦:- ((¸¸.•´ 


End file.
